Fahr Farms Inc.

Assalamu'alaikum.....

My friend is absolutely ga-ga over this gurl, Diana Danielle Danny Beeson . Admittedly, she's pretty cute ... comel lah jugak, though kening bushy cikit2, LoL. But I feel weird looking at her sebab muke die cam familiar, as in serupe cam muke someone else. Tapi tak boleh nak pinpoint sape, wth? Aarrgghh... penat lah pikir semalam, minah nie features die sgt familiar tapi tatau sape.

Anyway, Pramugara MAS masa flight to stockholm arituh ingat lg (takleh nak sebut name nanti nak kene bantai) tak habis2 bising pasal this gurl. Since diri sendiri dah lame tak amik tahu M'sia, dah byk tak tau pasal the local celebrities (local for me sekarang is famous Hong Kong people, LoL...hahhaha). Tapi apparently she's a model/actor. Can see the model part because mmg damn lawa. Tak tau bleh berlakon ke tak, LoL. Can she?

To be Fair Kita sama-sama lah tgk jer nanti yerk. Anyway, sementare tgh men-research pasal dianin sket (kene lah ade topic nak letak kat blog), I came across die punye profile google (or something that summarizing a article, I couldn't tell that well). sHe was (or is, I dunno) up for the Spm 2008 yadda yadda. Anyway, bace lah kan die punye profile (she's younger than I am, baru 17, ngahaha looking at the 17 year olds around me..... hmmm....tak matang LoL). Nothing particularly interesting UNTIL the interview part.....( interview nin revised erk olok2 jer) muahahah.....

MEDIA: Saya nak bertanyakan pada DIANA, apa perasaan you terhadap filem EVOLUSI KL DRIFT ini dan berlakon di bawah SYAMSUL YUSOF?
DIANA: Hmmmm i raserrrrr it's a good film. Hmmmmm SYAMSUL did a good job and i'm proud of him lah.

MEDIA: Apa perhubugan kamu dengan SYAMSUL YUSOF?

DIANA: Well i raserrrr kita orang teman tapi mesra. That's all i can say.

MEDIA: Dengar cerita kamu berkawan dengan Mahyudd betul ker?
DIANA: Hmmm... Siapa Mahyudd?...

MEDIA: Mahyudd kawan Fer(aku le tu)...

DIANA: Oh kawan Fer tu ker...tak kenal sangat...tapi nampak macam anak MAK, mcm i juga...

MEDIA: Jadi u meminati Mahyudd?

DIANA: Nampak saya dengan dia sesuai ker? hehehehe....I deserve better right!

That's all i could say.Don't get me started with the interview she did with MICHELLE on MELODI!!!-(kata-kata petikan dr searching goolge yg aku jumpa)

I'm actually stalling to do IELTS exercise, but I'm starting to hyperventilate a bit, so I better get on with it before I get a nervous breakdown.

Note: Mahyudd Yusof mmg suka berangan ngan minah nin..Tapi mmg dia Layak challenge ngan SyamSul Yusof(Klu Rupa)...cuma Keta dia kena errr kena bg stable sket la! kang drift ntah kemana laks...klu KL Drift aku tak sure La...Tp klu Raub Drift mmg Sure SYamsul tu gulai la.....

Ciao babes!

Additional note: Interview itu adalah rekaan semata-mata, tiada kena mengena dengan mahyudd atau pun dengan fer atau sesiapa yg di sebut.

Assalamu'alaikum...

First of all, I have nothing to write about today, it's been slow, I haven't been doing much work, basically Nature Disaster. I called Tomorrow I have... something whole day...

errr....ok here i go, Happy half HollyDieds to IPHKIES....Suka ha sumer balik awal...(yay!)....Hong Kong Taifoon tak tahu la wheather forcasting rated up to 20(I wish to)...kerja mmg takda langsung. Mmg best habis hari ni. Kenapa Guys! kenapa aku panggil hollydieds tahu kan. Esok volume for sure turn on as high as twin tower. Maknanya Died la kan.

apepun aku terasa gak kesusahan korang. faham2. kepada team lbd. aku minta maaf la yerk aku on leave tak expect lak taifoon ni datang mengejut. Aku try tulis dlm malay ar this time sebab ada la kawan2 aku kata english jer. Masa balik tadi diskus dgn Mahyudd dia kata tulis la campur2.ermm betul gak erk.... tapi yg penting ramai gak member aku suka baca blog aku. walaupun dorang tak dpt komen sbb office blog part komen tuh.hahaha. tapi ada positive responds la.suka gila beb!!! nin aku cerita la sket2 pasal kawan2 aku nin.

Natallie, dia agak excited gak membaca dengan +ve komen siap soh promote nama dia lagi. Ok Natt nanti i promote kek u erk.

Mahyudd(MBS)..the only and the one, yg aku rasa paling cepat gila picked up ape2 pun je la...aku harap london contract aku tu siap la bila aku balik nanti. kalau tak siap la dia. Lupa lak mahyudd la satu-satunya org yg aku tak bagi add blog aku. bukan ape dia bila baca mesti buat mcm2 mimik muka. Yg paling dahsyat adegan pistol letak kat kepala sambil bunyi peluru keluar dari mulut.

ape pun anak mak ni sedang mencari cari...not bad lookin....tunggu la blog dia siap nanti. mmg good lookin tp berhati-hati sket...

RBN..ni la one of the inspire aku untuk buat ape2. very good listener even somtimes dia pun bosan gak nak dgr ape aku cakap. betul tak?. .tapi dia ni banyak tahu gak pasal aku...especially buku high profile yg aku tulis, dia sorang jer tahu pieces by pieces. tapi aku boleh cakap dia tabah gila beb! mmg gifted dan superb...

NZA..ini orang tough gile...baru je dpt baby boy. Cute gile mcm aku muda gak(kerk!). baby name: ADAM. cute ya!..yg penting ttg dia ni..adik dia berkawan dengan angkasawan negara kita. tapi tak tahu la hubungn dorang.tahap ape. good job zaza.

Nin..peh lgi dahsyat bakal AM kat satu bank overseas. jgn lupa tarik aku tau klu ko dah berenang2 dalam tuh.

Gabrille Peter..sesuci namanya orangnya, percaya la! dia ni mcm besi galvani(maknet la tuh) magnet kalau lalu jer mesti melekat kat dia. pemalu orgnya. not bad. sedang mencari juga yg sesuai. Dipercayai darah berkacukan spain,greece,italiano dan sikit2 borneo. taat kepada agama. agak2 nak anak macam ashraff sinclair inilah dia orangnya. Glad to c u back gabbie.

Fer(aku la)..sbb dh ade org pakai "Fir" kt office ermm!! jadi tukar fer la. ape aku nak cakap erk.I'm letting things slide and hope that people will pick up after me is kept to a bare minimum. (freaky fer)......huh! I'm getting older, I'm 25 years old, in 3 years I'll be 28. My dad already had 2 kids when she was 28, my brtoher-in-law coming. I can't keep screwing around anymore, I can't just take things lightly anymore. Time to grow up and move on. siapa yg rasa ada calon yg sesuai pass2 la kat aku nin! adik lindzia tu berkenan gak(berangan seh!)

kawan iphk yg lain. nanti aku cerita psal korang erk...leher aku ni dah sakit menaip.anyway teruskan membaca jgn kecik hati tau...I love everything and everyone, even though people in general piss me off because we have so much hatred in us it's disgusting...We need to start treating each other better, especially upcoming Ramadhan nie. 'Cause if we can't even be civilized during Ramadhan, then we're basically screwed for the rest of the year.

-fer-

Happy Birthday.....LinDzreen

...It's pretty weird when da time comes tat u want to wish someone "happy birthday" but they're not around to hear it....Oh well it's life...

Hi sweetie, It's now 5 hrs and 35 minutes to midnight n I would extent again ma best wishes to ya on yr sweet 25th birthday, before u know it, u'll be in mid n late 20s soon...I cannot believe that u already turning to 25th but still single......kerk!!! (mampus klu bf ko tahu)

I would like to tell u all about her...she has alwiz been strength n spitfire(hehehe)...she has been reponsible n intelligent young lady all of her life....Even though she is second youngest, she always been good about being the other " care taker" to her family..she has stepped up to help out and fill the blanks...she has her faults too, but i believe she has truly been blessed....I just want her to get the points for her birthday too, So I'm writing this subject under her name about her birthday, and i would appreciate it if you would all add some birthday wishes to it too...hAppy bIrthday to ya........

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It's a curse and a blessing sometimes..for me!!!

Up: LinDz and HEr Bf (faiz)....I really like the POSSSINGGG! , very much!!=D! Awesome....!!!

Assalamu'alaikum.........

Nyahahaha.... I'M BACK BITCHES!!!!!!! Hahaha... just kidding. But I'm back to updating my blogger (sorta) regularly right now. Nyahahah. And again. Nyahahahaha. Did you guys missed me? Betcha you did, LoL. And here I am back again to dish out my crazy thoughts and rantings.

Thank you thank you thank you to read ma blogger . Thankee thankee thankee :) . Yay!

Some things have been going kinda well (yay!) and some haven't (bummer ...). I'm excited that I'm still here to continue my job (yay!) but Teff still hasn't recognized my contribution (bummer...). Which means I'm not officially her men(bummer....) but a lot of people are working with me so that I CAN move on (yay!). I'm excited. My job should be interesting, to say the least.

I wish I can relay EVERYTHING that has happened, but there's just too much stuff goin' on. Lol. My days are pretty predictable these couple days. Get up, go to work, come back from work, lunch, blogging, bertekak-ing with teff......ahhh!!!

Oh, and while we're still on the subject of work's....I'm really proud of my IPHK. I learned a lot.I had job partners because of my IPHK and I had friends from all around who are very dear to me. These are the people that I care about. So DO NOT use the word "root course" around me.

Ever. And I mean this in the most serious way possible. If you dont know anything, you don't even have the right to even UTTER the word "root course" in my presence.

Deragatory words can only be used playfully if the trust factor is there between all parties involved. Even then, we shouldn't take it lightly 'cause it can hurt. So please, please PLEASE don't diss IPHKIES around me, especially since you know I was in one. Not all of us fit the stereotype.

Right now I'm truly blessed :)

-fer-

asalamu'alaikum....(cerita last month but should read.....)

I was extremely happy to get the admission letter ("conditional", I still have to provide a few stuff). It's from the School of Business, Pembrokeshire College+University of Glamorgan in Wales, and the program is quite good. So I'm gunning for a BA (Hons) Management and Business programme . I was so happy that day. I just jumped around. Then I went home.

I thought nothing could take away my high, I told my mom about the school and the admission letter and all that other stuff that I was excited about. Needless to say, I didn't get the reaction I was hoping for. I thought she'd be excited about it and forget everything and just concentrate on what I have to say (for once). Instead everyone at home are still preoccupied with the something or nothing or thing-thing. I wasn't expecting that... at all. Like no one really cared about this letter that I had worked my butt off to get. I mean, for God's sakes, they were HERE!! They saw how hard I tried to ensure that my recommendation letters, despite my average grades, would pull me away from the rest the applicants and make me stand out. How much I worried about my personal statement essay because I didn't spend as much time on it as I should have.

The "Congratulations!" didn't come, neither did the "I'm so proud of you". All the could think about was loving *****, well how about me? How about some validation from my own parents? How can they not see how much I've wanted this? Why is it that whenever at home, I'm your son, your ONLY son!! And I've done good! Why can't I make you care?

I was so happy... and now all I want to do is forget about everything, get a tub of Baskin Robbins(spelling main hantam) and just binge eat in front of the TV. That night I should've been celebrating, if not with friends then at least rejoicing with my family. Instead I spent it crying into a pillow until I fall asleep.

perhhh!!! Looks like another bleak day for me.

It's 11.25am, and I still can't sleep. Uh-oh.... I can NOT miss work tomorrow. Anyway, today was pretty packed for me with trying to finish pending import invoice financing...uwek!!!!

Today was certainly NOT my day. Everything that could go wrong, did. I can't even think about today without feeling tired. Anyway, I've come to the conclusion that July and August is NOT my season, 'cause every single big drama in my life happens during the July. Maybe having too much free time on my hands is not so good for me.

Time to be vague... people, stop reading right now 'cause I'm gonna stop making sense.

I am extremely stubborn. Very much so. I make up my own mind about something and until I want to change it, then that's the way it's gonna be. I also don't read other people's blogger unless Lindzia's blog or I REALLY, REALLY have nothing to do. I can love people with all my heart and I can also hate with every fibre in my being. I can also feel things in between those two extremes. I can be an angel and I can be a bitch. I can be everything in your dreams and I can also be your living nightmare. I can be your best friend one moment and completely turn on you the next. I can be your lover today and your enemy tomorrow. Whatever part I play in your life, dear reader, is completely up to you and the things you do for me and especially the things you do to me.

I like it when things are out in the open. I like to know that I can trust my friends. I like to be able to be comfortable in my own skin and not feel like the pair of jeans in your closet that you only wear when you have absolutely NOTHING else to wear. I like being needed, but I don't like being used. I especially don't like feeling I'm the dirt beneath some else's shoes. I hate knowing that there are so many people in my life that fits into "that" description, in one way or another. I hate knowing there are so many people NOT in my life who also fit into "that" description. Whatever "that" is, dear reader, is something that I cannot be bothered to explain.

I need things to be settled quickly. I hate procrastinating when it comes to things that really matter to me. I hate that two years ago, you hurt me, and now you're back and you expect things to be okay. Too bad, honey, because you're two years too late. You sat on your ass and did NOTHING, you deserve nothing from me, and especially not the best of me. Just because I tolerated your shit before doesn't mean I feel the same way now. Especially not with the other things that are happening in my life. Eat shit and go die, biatch, I might not hold a grudge for the smaller things but there was nothing small about what you did.

Here.

Firdaus, Mohamad

Although the name Firdaus creates the urge to be both logical and technical, we emphasize that it causes a superior, interfering expression whose favorite expression is "I know." This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the elimination system, worry and mental tension.

Your name of Firdaus indicates you are a very capable, systematic, and thorough person with talents for mechanics, accounting, computers, teaching, law, construction, and similar fields.
You plan ahead, giving careful consideration to detail.

Because of your efficiency you attract a great deal of responsibility, and you are inclined to worry excessively and become too involved in details out of proportion to their importance.
You resist change until you have examined an idea in detail and all facts fall into place for you

-kalabarian philosophy-

Although the name Mohamad creates executive ambitions, we emphasize that it causes a blunt expression that alienates others.

This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the reproductive organs, and tension or accidents to the head.

Your name of Mohamad gives you the desire for success and financial accumulation and the confidence and drive to go after your ambitions, regardless of obstacles.
Your thinking revolves around business and ways of making money, rather than on music, art, drama, or philosophy.

You start new endeavours and incorporate new ideas, but seldom if ever receive the full benefits and financial accumulation for your efforts.

You tend to feel very frustrated in being unable to realize your ambitions fully.
An extremely independent and self-sufficient person, you dislike taking orders or advice from anyone.

You believe in speaking directly and to the point, so you are candid and abrupt.

Assalamu'alaikum...

Aiiihhh... holidays are almost NEVER a good time for me. I mean, seriously, it feels like the more time I have in my hands, the more likely I find something that would make me wanna go "bunuh diri" and jump off a bridge. Ever heard of the expression "Ignorance is bliss?". If I can go through life being ditzy and not knowing anything, or maybe just go through life not feeling anything, I probably would. But then that would just be stupid, 'cause there's no room for self improvement. Let's just hope this Thanksgiving would go nice and smooth.... huh me can't sleep tonight...missed dunk with Jan..call me ya(pic; Jan and me malmo, sweden)

I wrote this journal for my beloved friend Nadeen. Ever since she left me I never been same, things go wrong and I made mistakes when I fell in love with her. The day after 1st July, completely transform me into a new life. I was drowning in my sadness stupidity, but I deserved it. At the same time I figure out, if I have a minute to stop, what would I say? What would I do? The question might not be important anymore for me or to us. In assessing my current situation and looking back at the time I believe that every sadness has brought another very significant person into my life, even we have gone separate ways but we still shared many things. Pass as time goes by, but to say I will stop loving her would be a lie. I even thought she was into me and I think I was foolish enough to believe so but when I finally got the courage to confess she bluntly rejected me and it did hurt a lot. I even felt betrayed and there were a lot questions on my mind left unanswered as to “why”, why me, why not me these stupid question running through my mind. Being her friends for couple years, I was happy for her but I am only human and I do get hurt. Of course there’s more the story and I might share with the whole world some day, maybe soon, now. I knew I was just nothing for her, just pure friendship unlikely I’ve been anticipating that our relationship blossom into something special. However our friendship ended. It was literally tearing a part to know that we are not together yet oh! Or anymore.

I’m not fear of rejection. For me living with the regrets of “what if? Is more painful then being rejected! The night before 1st July I proposed her but I was too much pressure by getting too ambitious and I tried too perfect with my first words or get to perfect with positive responds. When she doesn’t respond well to those thing it really a huge disappointment. In fact she rejected me for the first attempt of admitting loves her, without giving any chance. That disappointment caused to never want to approach another woman ever again. Do I sound stupid? I must look like a fool? But at least I mustered to courage to tell her how important she is, which I’ve been keeping for years. For me if we love someone we should let them know in classical way or another. Maybe talking to them, write a letter or anything, but a good result is never guaranteed. I might say “Love is friendship, friendship is love. If love fails, friendship should remain. For friendship is the foundation of love”.

I do think sometimes life works that way or in much different way. We are always experiencing the exact thing we are supposed to in order to fulfill our life, in some way. Life is unpredictable, it is an adventure and a journey, even if we do not travel far from home, and we meet new people in many different ways. Some people are significant for some reasons that completely different from the significance of the next person. We meet the people we are supposed to when we are supposed to. Sometime life gives us glimmer of what is to be expected and if you pay close attention we will remember.

I believed things happen for a reason. We should take every opportunity and try to learn from it. There is always a good learning experience even if a situation is poignancy. We might say yes, we could end up meeting a new love by virtue of ending a relationship; perhaps what we learned about our self in the previous relationship prepared us for this, or might be not. I got the breaks when I still have someone around as good friends. I would like to acknowledge; lindzreen “bigwig” who was bear hand on me at truly difficult time in my life and kept me focused during some of my lowest times in this grieving process and gave the ideas for the process of writing. For instance, I remembered this journal should be read as” the day after 1st July (if only I could......…..)” or” the day after 1st July (if only I could turn back time......…..)” or” the day after 1st July (things are better be left untold......…..)”. She was good made it up isn’t?

In my insanity, I remembered when first I met Nadeen when about 2006. I have some very wonderful memories that day; she came in to the office for an interview and passing through in front of me with the naïve face. When she became one of our colleagues I have been in the situation where I have this so called “hidden feelings” towards her. Everyday we would see each other, but for me to describe how wonderful her is never be simply by a few words.

I realized I started loving her when I was like being around her. As I’m writing my eyes begin to tear up. I wouldn’t lie I can’t stop these tears from falling though. Certainly I have a good cried in my privacy room. I have never loved anyone as much as I love her and I don’t believe I ever will because if love feels like this is the end then I might temporarily don’t ever want to fall in love again. However, I try to taken lying down she and me had some good times in the past and that’s really great at least for me. I know that was then and this now. So what would I do? People might wrinkle to me do not think anymore about this painful messing about and ask me to move on, find someone who behaves in more stable manner, who will treat me more kindly and be more honest and open with me. Wouldn’t that be the assertive thing to do? Or I could continue pester this woman women who walls me out see whether in the short term it gets what I want. Is not that easy “people”!

She isn’t really happy at the minute and I think I could do with a week’s break to see if she does really wish something, but I lasted less than 12 hours before I couldn’t bear not seeing her and called her, but I still couldn’t make her change her mind. I tried to call her again and she told me that I’d done had really annoyed and upset her and that it made her not want to be with me any more. I know I should not have done it but it was an impulsive reaction to just try and find something out because I had no clue as to why she was doing this to me. She told me that she didn’t want get back as a friend just yet and not now or forever. She seems to be getting more distant from me, even hanging up repeatedly when I tried to phone her. This tore me apart as I sensed the worst. That time I really confused and I don’t know how to fix the messed up. I begging her at least talk to me but she just doesn’t seem want to talk or give me a real reason as to why she feels so unhappy. Granted we’re not the ideal “couple”, I always believe we might resolved our differences and been able to talk each other again and I also believe in fate and destiny.

People might call me a terrific lover, and I believe many people thought by loving someone doesn’t allows us to play with our own dignity. You “people” probably say I should leave the girl at the moment only and wishing that the other guy would accept her and will live happily. It reminds me to Indian love is not “getting” it is “giving” and I personally believe that this is the best way to love someone.

It’s hard to move on from someone you love, and maybe I should either try or talk to her again. She might either want to get back to me or she could set me straight and let me know that it is really over. I realized I really need her not more than a friend. My hope now is only “time”. Time is a great healer and I believe so because with time we might begin feel better. I tried occupying myself with loads of things to do, go for a walks, immerse me in work, go out and meet people. I knew many peoples like me. But actually sometimes to move on this, doesn’t mean we need to go and get bunch of girlfriends, or hang out with friends, or try to get my stuff busy. I just remind my self sometimes, which I don’t need to have someone to be a person.

It may not seem like that now. But I believe one day it happen and by the time I’ll be driving along with my “Ferrari”, walking along whatever and shout to my self “I’m over her and it don’t hurt me anymore”. But like I said is really hard to abandon love. I wouldn’t lie to you “people”, I always hope that something will come up that will change her mind. It is a human nature to feel this way once you are in love, but it is also human nature to forget the pain as time passes by. In the great movie “Schindler list” when a Nazi got bored to kill Jews and sought greatness, Schindler tells him. “Greatness is to have power and not use it”. In my perception power is my friends owe me and apology and my greatness would be to apologize first. And back to basics friends are the best think one can have.

For those people fall to pity on me please stop right there, while it’s nice that you concerned about me but there were another thing’s, actually I already has a girlfriend. I betrayed our love. As of know I’m thinking I’m probably going to break up with her because as of now I am being dishonest, when my feelings just aren’t what should be and I cant give my heart to her. Stop! Don’t even think about it, I tried to give time for my self and be patient but it’s too complicated. I really made mistakes I shouldn’t love someone until I really ready and I should be honest with her all the times. It doesn’t work out too well.

Indeed, we have been together for almost three years. I supposed used to marry her but feeling changes. I really want to write this off it will be too hard for her and me. It will break her heart and it might cause her into sadness. I don’t want to be the cause for her to that. I know how it feels to be put through that. It’s like the whole world just collapsed on top of you. I really don’t want her to feel that pain but how can I write it off without destroying her. Don’t answer that is not a question. I know “people” might bundling off me to just do it and get it over with, or tell her in nicest way possible or I should ask myself honestly; why I feel need to break up. Is it because I have fallen out love, found someone else or just can’t deal with the problem anymore? Either way it will hurt her. Should I draw it out! Perhaps I will use compassion and move on, and is what I feel is best.

Nonetheless, how could I stop anyone from feeling what they will feel? You “people” might say I am “trying to fringing codependent and I need to show a bit my own self worth instead of always trying to rescue someone else?!” I won’t stop you “people” to saying that. I get your point. I was doing far more damage holding on, trying to protect her than just letting her go. Precisely, I am not responsible for her feelings. She might feel whatever she wants to feel about me, then at one point she will think I am a scum ball looser and she’s glad to be rid of me. I know “people” it was offensive, and definitely she will feel grief for the loss of our relationship, but don’t you “people” think hurt is very real aspect of the grief process. It makes a perfect sense right.

I apologize for being egoistical. I’m not the person fall out love with someone unless I wasn’t in love with them in the first place, but it does happen to everyone at one point or another. I will start by saying that we need to understand we can be of no value to our partner if we don’t love them. We see it around us all the time where couples argue and row in bad circumstances fight and physical abuse occurs, this is terrible state of affairs and is mainly due to fear. Partners usually stay together in these situations for their own personal reasons and the fear of failure, criticism, hurting their partner and keep them in the failed relationship. It’s opposite when we can transcend these fears and realize that the relationship is not working we can release our partner and create good dressing atmosphere.

The temporary hurt will heal and both partners can then move on with their lives. Again I know there is no value at all staying with someone you don’t love unless you are entirely happy with that situation. Now having said this questioning back myself what I want from this relationship, I’m not the person think lightly on the value of relationship and feel it’s of up most importance to “understand”. To “understand” what is values of my lie. Yes, I’m not being in any values if I’m not happy. If I could put in words “exactly” what is in my heart of hearts then I would do so with alacrity. Most of the time I fear. Scared that my words would lie. Uncertain of what would happen if I could speak of love. A matter in hand now what I want because when it is there I can recognize it. I always said we wouldn’t expect our boat to run on land, and so we shouldn’t expect our life to run happiness.

If you know me, and I believed honesty and confrontation is always good. First we know it’s hard to take our own advice most of the time. As I said “temporary hurt will heal”. Yes she might heal and go forward; I know I have no right to make the better happen, but at the same times I may never let her just handles it, which assume it is her problem not me, yes it might out of my hands. I believe in Allah and always pray by giving her tremendous peace to handle it. It is possible if we could remain friends or I leave to Allah concept or fate or anything. I will try to help I can to help, if I choose that “way” when or if I know I did what I were able to do, walking away with no hard feelings then we can go forward, but to tell her I don’t love her anymore is not simply an option.

For instance, I remembered my friend Lindzreen I wondering why should spend so long torturing her in relationship. I’m all for trying make things work. She has been in a relationship for seven years. Some of this time has been happy. And sometimes by the sounds she was unhappy. Life’s short, sweetie. Sometimes it is simply to let a relationship go than keep plugging away at it until you bleed. Take the good memories from the seven years you’ve had together. And take on valuable relationship lesson, the way you feel about someone when you first meet is not necessarily how you fell about him a few years later. I like to read C.S Lewis’s “four love” which goes into the four Greek words for different types of love? I’ll admit though that I found part of discussion quite obnoxious his claim that having a woman present wrecks a great male only conversation. But later he married a bright woman and now, 50 years later I think that times have changed somewhat at least in some circles some of the time.

Actually no matter how well we might think we know someone, all of us have past. Everyone has secrets they hold near and dear to their hearts, without revealing them even to the most important people in our lives. What secret does your lover hold? When it comes to our life, we hope those secrets are innocuous secret crushed, a wild weekend in Uptown, or little white lies that harm no one. But what if they are big secrets? I might hide secrets that could have a profound effect on my life. Unveiling those secrets at a later date could erode any trust have in each other and cause relationship to crumble.

I’ve been through tough stages. My issues seem to be more when I try to make positive changes. I get overwhelmed with anxiety. Change is difficult and it seems so many people are afraid to make positive changes. I think sometimes we are afraid that we will give it all we got and we still fail. It is better to think I can do if I only wanted to, than to realize you just can’t. The hardest part is that when I start to make changes and life looking better. It often gets worse for a while to try and trick you back into normal life. It is about consistently nurturing my soul and loving me no matter what. Again I am questioning back why not spending time loved one, eating right, going new place, doing something different or anything. Can I say Life is simple make a choice and don’t turning back and don’t take everything in the world seriously, smile, laugh giggle.

to be continue.....