Oct 25, 2008

Story of my friendz and I......


Assalamu'alaikum....

I struggled to get out of bed every morning, I was unmotivated in life, and I was generally unhappy with my life. I believe most people have trouble figuring out what they don't like about their life, me either (work sucks, I can't form relationship, and I have no direction in my life) but for me figuring out where to go next is the real key and the also living a balanced life is the real key. It's actually so much more to life than work. Mostly people have to sacrifices their life because of work. Making these sacrifices is kind, but when you spend years focusing your energies to benefit others you'll notice that if your efforts go unrewarded, then you are the one losing out.

Sometimes I feel like my life is slipping away as im getting older and feel I am not achiving things.crap!. What I'm trying to do now make a list of things that I want to accomplish and try my best to do so. I really want to get out and travel the world, meet new people from all walks of live and have a convo, ask question etc, but it becomes harder and harder to find things well worth living. The only thing that give me a sense of purpose is my writing. I find thrilling and it keeps the spark of life inside me alive even bad times. Like I said previously my writing decent the best. For instance, I was writing about love story, the story of my life, stories about people and things surround me or anything and everything. Believe me not, writing can be very addicting...ok enough STOP it Fir!

Lately, some of my friends having a problem with their relationships right now. Guys! Look at your conflicts and recognize that most of you are intelligent adults. Try to find the root cause of a conflict, then work forward from there. Resolve the root cause, and don't worry about the rest....Now, just so I don't leave you totally high and dry, here are my best suggestions:

Friend 1(YouKnowWhoYou're) :

Meaningless arguments....

Meaningless, shall we bothering them. You should be learning to incorporate each other into your decisions. You won't always get your way, and neither will he. Compromise is a very important part of relationships. It also isn't a one for one deal. If you are fighting daily, then you have not worked out a positive basis for a relationship. So? Just take a break, I don't mean break up, or anything, I mean, just take a day and do something by yourself, relax, Just talk to him like once a day, (if you don't live together). Sometimes you just need to step back for a minute. Or do you think something else is going on? when you start arguing everyday, it becomes a routine and your not happy anymore when you are around this person, it's hard to even smile because of the negativity. I say either take a break and step back, or talk it out. Or let it go.

Friend 2 and 3(YouKnowWhoYou're) :

Lack of trust...

If you know he loves you (and you love him), why are you not married? I mean this with no disrespect. I just hope you consider that both you and your boyfriend's lack of trust stems directly, and I mean directly, from the lack of marital commitment. Ok?.You know what dearie, what is the base of a relation? It is the trust, and love,do one thing sit quietly for a while and think about 2 things; Firstly, your Bf and you met the way you both used to behave with each other then. Secondly the way you both behave with each other right now, if you see a lot of difference and then ask yourself why are you in this relationship? are you happy? is he happy?? why both don't trust each other? and then calmly sit with your bf and ask him why he do not trust you, when you love him so much?? ask him that,both of you in a relationship for many many years and when a relationship becomes strong you do not need words to trust your partner analyse youurself, him and your relation. And you are the one who is having the answers...ok?

Friend 4(YouKnowWhoYou're) :

long distance relationships....

I know currently you facing truly difficult time with your boyfriend of 8 years. You might feel little sad, relieved or you just denial and the pain will come later, but trust me you'll feel unburden when it's over. Eventually thing you missed did catch up with you, but don't too much overwhelmed with sadness. It's sort of a bittersweet feeling. When those moments happen, let them, don't shake them off. It's healthier to let them run their course.

I remember a relationship like this, Sound like we have made a good decision, but grief is a strange thing expect waves of different and conflicting emotions for some time, it's good to do some reading on the stages of grief. The stages are:

Denial - The initial stage: "It can't be happening."

Anger: "How dare you do this to me? (either referring to deceased or oneself)

Bargaining: "just let me live to see I'm graduate"

Depression: "Ya Allah, please don't take him/her away"

Acceptance: "I know my self will be in a better place"

Guys wheeeuuw! It's finished now. I am moving on. Then get yourself involved in something different, so make a choice and don't turning back...
~fir~

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Oct 19, 2008

Fir Life is what happens..while I'm making other plans..."JL"






assalam'ualaikum....


I am please to give myself a chance to feel my real self before I allow my mind to start making plans. It' very, very easy to do. I am just in the habit of doing things backwards. It's learned process from imitating practically everyone else. I felt my world correctly as children and then grew into bad habit of thinking before feeling.

My thoughts are generated on top of thoughts, that appear out of nowhere. I have reaction thoughts to my environment. These reactions lead to thoughts, that lead to more thinking to deal with the original thoughts, and away from me. Emotion result from the process of reacting, contemplating and finally concluding, or maybe there is no conclusion, which can result in emotions of fear or stress.

The world tells me, this is the way. The world doesn’t really know what it’s talking about. Does it? Think about the complicated world in general. Is this really the best I can do? Notice the horribly high cost of living that has taken place in the last 30 years. Everyone seems to be running in place trying to keep up with this high cost of living. Whatever happened to the leisure lifestyle that modern technology was suppose to provide? Now, after all the heroic efforts to keep up with the ever increasing cost of living, the financial market is having a meltdown and the price of gas (unstable) and food is soaring. The world’s plan is broke. so?

In reality, theory fails to deliver the goods. The saying, “live by the sword, die by the sword,” is appropriate here. Sadly, I have found that when I live by the theory, I also die by the thought theory. While I'm plotting my road to happiness, my thoughts can continually steer me the wrong way on a one way street.

I’m excited to pen this, because I live it, and I know how nice it feels. Finally, something makes total sense and I don’t have to believe it, because I can feel it, plain as day. Everything that I have in my life can be appreciated on such a deeper level when I step out of my thinking and get back to me, right now.

For me thinking comes before feeling, what I feel before I think, is so natural and beautiful, that I’ll want to continue this process always. These are feelings that make me thinking mind could never deliver. All the planning in the world wont get me there.


“Life… is… what happens while I'm making other plans.”

So.

Stop making other plans. would I? shesshhh....'fir'

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Oct 16, 2008

updet!!! updet!!! bhgn 4.....


Assalamu'alaikum.......


Omigosh, dah lame, lame, LAME giller tak update blogger...(cuma smlm tu post ayat-ayat cinta) Me busy, busy, busy. At this moment, tgh menghabiskan sisa-sisa di office..tadi masa kerja bleh plak printer buat hal...Turns out one of the printers tuh tgh "toner low" kot... ( uh-huh.... bukan pompuan aje ade toner, printer pun ade), so the remaining one print(LC punyer) selaju nenek tue berjalan (no offense tuh nenek-nenek yang under 80 years of age.... that would include my mom, hahaha.... sayang mak). Anyways, kepale tgh pening sebab due hari tak tido. Bukan tido lambat tau, TAK TIDO. Adoi lahh...... ade orang tuh smalam buat lawak bodo ngan org, dah kene bebel.... tuh lah, buat lawak lagi kat org tak cukup tido, haaa... hambek ko....

Smlm chatted gan zaziot and ninord, biasa la ngumpat2 opis...si zaziot best!(sape si ninord nih!!!!) lebih kurang 12 mlm, tgh tensen pon boleh buat lawak siot lagik...Ahhh!!! I MISS WRITING!!!! "heavy" writing kat blogger lah..tak de idea nak produce good belleslettres lagi ape yang miss? I MISS LOOKING NICE!!! Skang pakai baju main ambek mane yang sampai je.... I MISS SHOPPING!!!!!!!!!!! Waaa.... pasni sape lagi nak meng kaye shopping ctr? MOST OF ALL..... I MISS TIDO!!!!!!!! zzzzzz.......zzzzz......... too much abc's and not enough zzzzzz's .....makes fir one crap man.

I don't think being very busy and tension all the time agrees with me. rase camtuh sebab bile tgh tension, I get cranky, moody, all those stuff yang usually pompuan only get like once a month tapi lelaki yg tak kena pun kenkadand leh ada gak moody camtuh...Heck!.... Paling tak best.... I'll be really, really mean to people. Mule lah... start bossy sket... lupe nak cakap thank you kat org... muke masam macam yoghurt basi jek... ish.... takmoh dah...

I am chatting gan si dyra right now, as I'm writing now, dhyra nih always missing mana ntah(toilet agaknya) that's what u get for ilang selalu sgt eh!....mati akal...

dang forgot one thing...zeta one of the people yg gonna incang2 me..because pasang soundtrack ayat-ayat cinta....12 hours nonstop , nattalie plak nak muntah dah....hahahhaa but sorry guys..I really dont care, as I said earlier my life in it....lagu ayat-ayat cinta by rossa nih..malangnye too short lirik dia and fading dia kurang cantek lak last2 part tuh..but still the best song ever in my life, with a smokin' v-clip, so enjoy. Eh, by the way, can someone tell me what the heck does "ayat-ayat cinta" means? I know what ayat-ayat is, so kirenye ayat-ayat cinta nie mcm nak ayat orang ke?tapi lagu ni takde camtuh pun! Ermm.. eww... (*muke blank*)

~Hahaha.... hmm... things we do for love... or lack of it... ~

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Oct 14, 2008

ayat-ayat cinta....

It's by Rossa, one of my favorites song and movie, sebab suara rossa ade quality berhantu sket Story dia the best in the world, hahaha.... Lyrics and story has a little bit story of my life in it, 'cause one does feel like one made a mistake that one can't redeem in the eyes of other...."bukankah hidup kita akhirnya harus bahagia"....

Lirik Lagu Rossa - Ayat Ayat Cinta

ayat ayat cinta lirik

Desir pasir di padang tandus

Segar sang pemikiran hati

Terkisah ku di antara

Cinta yang rumit

Bila keyakinanku datang
Kasih bukan sekedar cinta
Pengorbanan cinta yang agung Kupertaruhkan
Maafkan bila ku tak sempurna

Cinta ini tak mungkin ku cegah
Ayat-ayat cinta bercerita
Cintaku padamu
Bila bahagia mulai menyentuh

www.rizkyonline.com
Seakan ku bisa hidup lebih lama
Namun harus kutinggalkan cinta
Ketika ku bersujud

Video Klip Rossa - Ayat Ayat Cinta

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Oct 10, 2008

From Fir with love.....


To my dearest...

I hope that you have a very happy and fulfilling 26th birthday, thank you for sharing your heart and soul with me for the past 3 years. I appreciate your desire and sacrifice. Unfortunately for me (and you), we left a great memory and moment. I wish I could forget, but I can't. I'm stuck and it does happened. I freeze-frame a moment in my life and that's it. That's what it is to me. I can't shake it. It's usually just as vivid as it was the first time and whatever it is that you are to me, I won't forget it. No matter what changes. But for me a lot hasn't change yet, it's just different for me.

It's a curse and a blessing sometimes and other times it's just plain depressing. I'm definitely not on the same "track" as your expected. I'm not set on getting married, having kids, or fulfilling that "family life" thing. I'm taking it day by day. I'm trying to find what makes me happy and so be it.

Life is all about learning, and I'm doing that and I hope you are too. Trust me, starting a new year of our life is like reading new novel. We look at the cover and finger the first pages, anticipating what it will be like, as our progress, there are times when we're itching to flip ahead a few chapters to read what's going to happens, but we know we can't do that and maybe that's for the best. As the pages march forward to the denouement, we feel the joys and sorrows of each character as they enter and leave each scene. And then we gets to the very last page... and find there's a sequel! (and a new birthday).
May this year of your life be filled with the most precious gift of happiness. And even when there is sadness, may you always know that so many of people is actually care about you, and they always will...

happy birthday masrin....

your sincerely,
Firdaus

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Oct 9, 2008

New Cbox....

Assalamu'alaikum...

Ahaks! Finally a Cbox(chat room) that I like, hehehe. Like this one, easy, multi-lingual, nak load pun tak susah. Keskes.... me happy.

Thank you again Far for fixing my Cbox for me, you're the best :)!

~stress~

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Oct 7, 2008

Arghh!!!! depressed.......

assalamu'alaikum....


Is it possible to for someone to be so bloody difficult that you make everybody's life miserable? I think one can. Full stop. People have their breaking points, and I think some of us are reaching ours. While patience can be a virtue, patience wearing thin can be a time bomb waiting to explode, and I have to say, I personally haven't exploded in a reaaaallllyy long time, and I have no idea if everybody else had managed to vent their anger in some other way.....

Stuff that I hate: Being bullied. Being taken for granted. Unappreciated.. Have somebody betray me. Finding rotten food in my fridge. Bad hair days. Lousy vacations. Forgetting a friend's birthday(certainly I did but hated). Being miserable.. Having someone angry at me. Being angry at someone. Ppl who toy around with my feelings. Ppl who are too self-centered to think about other ppl's feelings. Feeling sometimes I can be too self-centered. Trying to be honest with someone and having it backfire on me. Not being honest and having it backfire on me. Letting a friend be a jackass simply because. Having that jackass ruin my day (or my life). Dating a jackass. Drunk strangers who try to grope other people for "support" (drunk friends, however, are kinda funny to look at, hehe.. not that I've seen that many). Drunk drivers. Expensive stores.

Finding an incredibly cute shoes in an expensive store. Not having a car. Not having license to drive a car. Having to drive a car anyway, even though without license. Burnt pizza. Fire alarm going off because of burnt pizza. Fire alarm screaming in my ears for a full freakin' 15 minutes before miraculously turning off by itself. Really cold days. Really cold showers. Hot coffee gone cold. Ordering coffee and getting hot chocolate instead (wha..?). Having bad taste in women. Not knowing why have bad taste in women when taste in clothes now almost impeccable. Thinking about getting married. Thinking about not getting married. Being depressed because of a jackass. Being depressed because I was jackass……what else……huh!!!!!!!!

~from fir with salt~

comments (4)

Oct 2, 2008

Sadness at Raya Eid....


Assalamu'alaikum....

Happy raya Eid to everyone, I considered around this time of the hari raya we are in rainy season. But I am sho excited this year. As I said previously I used to enjoy raya eid when I was a kit, but these days I just can't be bothered with it and Raya Eid just brought another sadness things into my life. Every year almost the same it creeps into my mind, emotions, my spirit. I have felt bad, isolated, numb and invisible at raya time. I can't lift this cloud. Some years are worse then others. I now have family and friends and it make it very hard to fake the fun. Sometimes I feel so sad I have to go the restroom so no one see my uncontrollable crying fits, even most people thoughts I am much more tough than I am.

I have been on very bad speaking terms which makes my sadness intensify into thoughts of becoming invisible, escaping from this world.It is getting harder for me to fight the urges to dissolve this life. It is a very complex plan that need to be thought out of mind before sitting it in to motion. The how and where and when is very important. At my age I feel this things are not going to change much especially if the people around me thing that everything is my fault and I just need to change. There no use trying to get help because it’s too much to explain and it’s so complicating and I am just too tired of trying any more. But I am still here contemplating.

However, I believe I am not the one in the entire world, say universe that has not known sadness, not one heart that has not been touched by sorrow. We have all sat and looked out that tiny window and asked ‘why’? Why me? Why am I here? Why do I live? What is my reason for living? Could I have done that different? Should I have said something? I need to go on and live my life...*hug my self*

Anyway just read an email from far. I'm okay, dearie, thanks for asking. Far was worried about my mental well-being 'cause I've been acting like a basket case lately. Don't worry laling, I'm frazzled but still (barely) sane. Some friends are keeping me sorta sane (actually they sometimes contribute to the insanity and are detrimental to my mental health, LOL... but it's a welcomed distraction... sort of.... nyahahah)

Eh guys I am trying to write bedtime story (the girl and the cockroach) but now I realized am just not yet good on that. But I'll try to make it happen...just another crap from me..

~from fir with fly~

comments (2)

Oct 1, 2008

::the girl and the cockroach::: by fir


Once upon a time in the small Ferningrad village theres one attracts sweets girl live in the village. One day the cockroach follow the girl going to the garden. Unintentionly she unfold secrets of her job. The cockroach look the girl pick fresh leaf from the garden to adorn one side another and it's certainly pretty and so purified. The cockroach tailed after the girl and suddenly the girl sat down to rest and eat something from her basket and wondering about her fate. The girl thought if she had been satisfied with simple things this would not have happened, but vice versa she knows that her life's journey will be more colourful outside there. She lifted her head up, felt the snow shooting her face and try her magical breath and hold a breath for while. The cockroach saw there was something wrong the way she held the breath. The cockroach....

to be continue....

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