Assalam'ualaikum....
I've just alomost finished writing one book (well, actually I finished it two days ago), and I gotta say, for such a small book, it sure packs a punch. It certainly got me feeling a lot of emotions: anger, sadness, mortification.... and acceptance.I've accepted a long time ago that I'm not perfect, and I kinda left it at that. I'm not perfect, and I make mistakes. What I haven't accepted was the fact that it was okay to not be perfect, to not fit into The Girl's defination of perfect guy, because ultimately, the person I'm meant to be with would still think I'm perfect in spite of, or because of, my faults. The Girl might not like the fact that I have a small, babyish voice, but The One would find it endearing.When it comes to matters of the heart, I figured that since I'm not perfect, I shouldn't really expect the girl I'm with to be perfect.
Now that's a really dangerous road to go down, and the book made me realize that. Because once you have it in your head "Oh, she's doing something that I don't like, that's okay, she's not perfect, I probably annoy hers, too", then you start ignoring the vital signs. Big, fat, juicy signs that hollers she's Just Not That Into You. You start forgiving things that you shouldn't be. You let the fact that he makes you cry at least once a month slide, because you keep remembering the good times and oh how good the good times were and this is just a small bump in the road and we'll get over it .... And the excuses keep on coming until one day, you realize that you were the bump in his road and she's completely over you.Writing the book was tough for me.
It made me face facts. The signs were there and I didn't want to see it; because of that I let The Girl have the power to hurt me. I let her dictate how the relationship, if you can even call it that, play out to his advantage. The book made me see my past relationships, dates and crushes in a different way. I used to think that maybe if I had done things a little differently, be more sophisticated instead of emotionally vulnerable, then things could have been different. I realize know that there was nothing I could've done to keep her interest.
What I do have control over now, though, is how I behave once it's apparent that a girl is not into me enough to want a lasting relationship with me.So for me personally, I need to remember these :
If I'm the one who usually calls, but she never calls me first because talking on the phone is "not her thing", then she's just not that into me.
If she never wants to hang out with me and my friends at all, then she's just not that into me.
If I'm the one who's always making plans, and she just goes along with it, then maybe he's really not that into me.
If I'm the one who's always making plans, and she just goes along with it, then maybe he's really not that into me.
If she doesn't want the "girlfriend" label because she "doesn't like labels", then she's really not that into me. That's just a step away from not wanting to be the "wife" because she doesn't like labels.
If she's into me, she'd want everyone to know we're together.
Life is complicated enough without having the woman in your life be the wrong woman. I'd rather be by myself and happy, than be with someone and be miserable. And the first step to being happy?
~from fer with love~
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