Fahr Farms Inc.

assalamu'alaikum.....

I'm so confused right now, I hate when I have to make tough decisions like this... kadang rasa mcm I want to study abroad but sometimes I thought don't even think about it. aihhhh!!!! but for now fortunely every stage tu lepas, and by now I make an arrangement with some people in dublin, especially to help me untuk cari rumah sewa and stuff like that. Sounds serius yeah! but for me still not sure what am suppose to do. Do I makes a right decisions? I dont't know. Actually there's so many things that I want to see or to do while I'm young, and so many things I want to learn, and even though I'm physically and mentally tired all the time plus with 1-20 issues I have to care about. btw I still have a time until end of this year to decide any posibilities. Again basically it sucks (really it does) when you basically do not have a lot of resource to do this.

For instance, I have to say I'm regretting a lot patutnya I'm be able to abroad after Spm1999, but I made horibble decisions. I'll fix this, I always do. Hopefully I'll be able to fix this soon, or else I'm gonna be worried for the rest of the career and I'm already depressed enough as it is. *Sigh*....

I chatted with a few friends I said mostly people tgh keje keras save duit sebab nak kawin, and I don't have that purpose to motivate me working. And klu lah betul dpt further study tak kisah if I hafta to work as a part time cleaner ker I would have gladly taken a that job as long as it meant that I would earn money and indirectly gain some real hard job experience. But It's not really even about the money, actually. It's more than that people...sometimes it took everything I had to keep me from crying about this dream (abroad). And I have to say the fact that some of my friends was laughing and making jokes with this. And guys, actually I cried so much at the first place, even I was laughing with the jokes. I believe by the time I don't have much in me to cry again.

I've been feeling strange lately .... like really strange. Can't really elaborate why. But it's definitely strange. The heart wants what it want when it wants .... and right now what I want, I cannot have. *Sigh* ... nak kawin balik kampung tanam jagung pun tak boleh. LoL. Adoi... hold on a sec.. brb...I just hate being strange!!

~from fer with strange~