Aug 31, 2008

RamaDhan Againts MerDekaDone......

Assalamu'alaikum.....


Selamat Berpuasa :) !!!! May Ramadhan brings us many many many blessings, cherished memories and a chance to redeem ourselves and come out better people. Honestly, me head (and tummy) has not registered that it's the fasting month. Hopefully this year I'll be able to do better than I did before this. Dang! forgot something Hapey Merdeka day! (thats all) more story...

Yesterday was interesting in a bad way. Gone dinner with my family officially to celebrate my sis birthday.(happybirthday! I wont tell much about her because she don't even know I have this blogs hahahah becoz I'm worried she gonna comment too mush!) .Lol Today was interesting in a bad way. I am so drained. My chest feels like someone's poking it with a hot pin and then squeezing my heart really, really hard. Sleep didn't come easy, my head isn't in in any values, and all I wanna do is curl in my bed and go to sleep.

I had a serius talked with my father this morning about to study abroad..but Ahhh!!! Malas nak komplen pasal pape we'll see, Ramadhan is starting and I should be happy :) . And in a lot of respects, I am. I just... wish some other things would fall into place too :) .

~from Fer with drain~

comments (2)

idiots FerCisions.....

Dear All,
Officially I want to announce I wouldn't to study abroad, I don't think it would have been possible for me to further my studies due to certain circumstances. This is very hard decision for me which I have to decide should or shouldn't. Now I'm truly written with mortification because again I have to refuse the given opportunity. My Cikgu englishku if you read this, it will be a huge disppointment for you. I really want to say thank for your assistance. I dont know where I would have been without you. You changed my life, emotionally as well. I was glad to be your student, so thank you and keep up the good teaching. May God richly bless you!
Dear Puan Sharifah Hayati,
If you read this too, you might say "I never changed", I do appreciates for your support,guidance, thougths and always helping me all the way and making such a great upbringing to me. I won't tell you. "Why I made this decision". For me you always a "mother" wanted her boy to be one of the best and whenever I'm sad and lonesome, you always gets me to smile huh! I've never had someone other then you....again another bleak for me...I cant continue my writing anymore,....ahhhh!!! I'm Sorey!!!!!1
fer

comments (5)

Aug 29, 2008

FerMan, FerMent and FerChines...



asalamu'alaikum...


Nothing to reports, nothing thoughts.....I just want to share something nice with you...

When I was in Stockholm last a few months, I was walking down from central Station, on my way back from breakfast, when I saw this guy, who was wearing a suit, pacing in near a bus stop infront central station. First of all it was a bit weird to be wearing suit when it's freezing outside, and it's not that often you see a suited guy pacing in front of thai restaurant. So I glanced at him at looked again...and it was Big Sam, Sam Allaydyce coach of bolton and newcastle F.C. Holly Crap!. It was cool! I have to say meeting a Big Sam was a "phenomenal". Probably becoz he was surrounded by a thousand adoring EPL fans. I thought I want so say something at least hi! and shake his hand! something! But I cant because there were a throng peoples around him...But it was cool! there were a few people shouted from his car "coach you need a ride, Coach! you the best! Coach! you ma man! and people keep saying you did a good jobs! to him even though he has been sacked by NFC...aih!!!Certainly a nice, uplifting moment to share.............
God, I'm having writer's bloc. Great. I'm sure everyone reading is asleep by now... oh well... till something more interesting comes up....
Wassalam.... fer

comments (1)

Aug 28, 2008

whEn feR Rule the WorLd........

Assalamu'alaikum....

aih...seems like this week was pretty sombre and so is my writing yeah! I has written with sadness, talked abt stupidity, story about her, acknowledge someone contribution, etc...aaahhhh!! I'm broken hearted and bored out of my mind.... This is not a good feeling at all... concentrate!

huh! I really want to do more! more! and more ...ok! how about if any one of you lay me some idea or just tell me anything what you wish me to write and I'm gonna mercerize with my own mould theory...(I'm gonna pick one topic and yr privacy is guarantee)

why I want to this because...I want to "test" how good my thougths, my writing and such like that...Plus it was a great way to make new friends and get to know people. so pls drop me an email to efi_2008@yahoo.com or

~fer~

comments (2)

Aug 27, 2008

It's only natural to want attention from the ones that you love Sweetie!....

Hullo people (or hullo to myself if no one's going to read this)!! ..today I have been kinda busy. I've had rush to approving bills to, meetings to go, audit issues, books to read for , books to write for....I do like looking at websites, I'm just bad at reading other people's blogger except lindzreen blog, hahaha. I have a terminal case of jealousy, where if I read something cool that other people did, I would be happy for them, but depressed for me, because I wanna do it, too! And if I see something... hmm.... hurtful, yang tak sedap mata memandang (take it how you want to, as long as people who know me best know what it is), that would just ruin the whole day for me. If I can describe this behavior in one word, it would be obsessive. Hahaha... nuts, I sound like a complete fruitcake. I'm really not...

Aihhh!!! Sweetie...Im sorry I didn't reply your email today, Like I said I've had to many things to rush2 today...But here TONIGHT I'm gonna try to lay my thoughts or stuff like that....hmmm

For me honey, if he doesn't have a time with you then so be it. Just tell him do whatever he want to do( go with his friends..) you don't have to sweat it, becoz if he loves you so much...he'll start to miss you and want you be around, hang out with you and stuff like that. dont feel so sad, you still have someone around you right...BUT don't dont even argue with him be calm about it. see what he says.....for now you might feeling insecure or needing more attention from him. Hey Sweetie! it takes two to tango so if it is more attention you want then why not take one day a week when you plan on doing something just you and him and spoil(manja sket2 dah) him....

He will lavish attention on you if he is worth his grain of salt and will certainly come around. how about if we go to the English classical solutions, go away for the weekend somewhere, go out to dinner or even dress up really nice and either cook him a nice meal or order something nice and candles and sit at home and enjoy the meal....Follow this with dessert of strawberries dipped in chocolate. I believe if you ut in an effort to become more fufilled then if he was worth it he would definately come around....

Sweetie! Like I said dont't argue....Just tell him nicely what you told me-"that you're not trying to take away his time". and let him explain his point of view. Try to reach a compromise and settle things peacefully. What is important is that you love each other, and that you don’t want to loose the relationship.

I totally agree with you " kekayaan tak menjamin kebahagiaan" but remember " we can rent it for awhile right!"...make a choice.

Ok sweetie? I might slightly insane on my thougths and another thing that you have to remember... "great way to kill a relationship is to expect attention every single minute"

Aihhhh, I am outta stuff to write. so people and havva great day!

truly me
~fer~

comments (1)

Aug 26, 2008

truly YoUrs.....


dear you,


"There is no greater feeling than knowing that your friendship is valued simply because it's YOUR friendship, not because of the material things that you can provide or because you're a doormat and people can just walk over you"

It'll be hard, and I mean, I was really hurt over your choice of actions and in a lot of ways, I probably have to be a lot more careful now until I want to do it again, but friendships that you actually want to keep are hard to forge because of my stupidity, and I'm not a mean person by nature. I saw your sincerity, saw that you trying to do something, and mostly saw that you really CARES that I'm hurting.

That's the thing about people. I thought I'd be mad at you forever, or at least for the next few years anyway, and I thought our friendship was over and done for. However, you was earnest about mending things, and although I'm still feeling some negative emotions, I'm willing to work them out just so that I don't lose you.

To be honest I didn't make things easy for you , all I wanted to do was to run away from all the things that were hurting me and protect myself from being vulnerable over and over again, so I ignored you. I saw that you cares and you doesn't assume that given time I'd be okay, you actually made a huge effort to at least try and make things better. I truly and honestly appreciate that, in more ways than anyone can imagine. You extended the olive branch, and I have decided to take it.

Maybe you're wondering why I'm being so forthcoming and open about this, that I can speak about this so candidly even though this is, in all actuality, very private for me. Here's why: I don't like it when people just assume things. Assume that I'll be okay when I won't. Assume that I'll react in a certain way when I'm more intelligent than that. Assume that since nothing fazes me anymore, nothing hurts me anymore too. People make so many assumptions about things that they know nothing about. I know this because in a lot of cases I find that I'm guilty of doing it too. So no more assumptions. I'm laying the facts down bare and naked for people to read.

The fact is I'm not mean. If you show effort, I'll definitely meet you halfway. Thing is, I need to know that what I put out is not in vain. Sometimes you just need certain confirmations because maybe something happened and you just need to know.... know that it's still worth working towards, worth hanging on to, 'cause like I said, a good friendship is so hard to forge. Of course when you have it you don't want to let it go.

I need people to know that I never, never, never take my decisions lightly. They might not be the best course of actions, and they might be more motivated by emotions rather than thought, but these decisions are mostly made because I feel like there is no other way out. Call it a defense mechanism if you will. Sometimes I act out in certain ways as a test to someone, which in many aspects is so very not fair... 'cause I'm setting up the person to fail, since you doesn't know what the "test" is or that you is being "tested" at all.

But here's the trick: for every test, there's a sure-fire way to pass ..... I need to know that you actually care. You don't have to go all-out, all I need is a small confirmation that yes, no matter how small the feeling is, you do care that our friendship now has a rift. . I need the comfort of knowing that I'm not alone, that I'm not the only one who actually care enough about the relationship. This is basically what's going through my head when I have a conflict with any of my close friends, girls or guys. The cause might be different, but ultimately the end result is always the same. That aside, I also know that if I'm wrong, that I am not afraid to say I'm sorry. My ego isn't that inflated. And in certain cases, I'll even apologize even when I feel I'm right just because I know the issue is important to the other person more than it does me.

But reciprocate, dammit, I'm selfish enough to expect certain things in return. Which is why when I write the journal (refer to beginning of blog), I was relieved. The state of emergency is over, Lol... well at least this one anyway. You cares enough to try. Which is all I ever really wanted, 'cause everything else can click in place if we can at least show each other that we appreciate one another. Again sorry and thank you.

yours sincerely,
firdaus

"that incident actually I had last two months with her (I'm not gonna go into details(yep! certainly I did) 'cause I know for a fact this person reads my blog and I don't wanna embarrass the both of us by being mushy LoL, plus this one is a little more private. Suffice to say ... baby steps :) ), I have to admit that my friends are really going above and beyond this time, which is a nice change of pace from thinking that no one gets you. It's nice to know that people can still pleasantly surprise you with their depth... and their perseverance...... and mostly their respect"

~fer~

comments (1)

feriAns IdiotS........


Assalamu'alaikum.....


I'm still having a miserable days lately. Uncertainty about life, in general, is never good. Uncertainty about what the hell am I gonna do if funding doesn't come through is downright killing me. How I'm gonna further my study huhuhuhhuhu.

For now I have story to write, a letter to compose, a program to clean up, practicing my english language.... but right now! I'm getting pretty regular about updating my blog ... even tho I actually have nothing to report, LoL.

A friend asked me yesterday, what I want to do with my life, what kind of a job am I looking for? I said I wanted something hands-on. I'm still young, and I think that it would be a waste for me to just sit behind a desk and just sign papers and approve things. I want to get my hands dirty. I want my life and my job to be a series of learning experiences instead of being stuck in one mode and never being able to venture out. I want to be challenged... constantly. I know I've complained a lot about things being sooooo hard for me (LoL), but this september, after being on my current job for a two years now, I realize that I am bored out of my mind. Predictability is nice for a while, but after that I just get... restless. Dammit I want to learn. I wanna go out and be useful instead of just being there ..... which is kinda in direct contrast with what I want personally. For me private life, stable and safe is definitely the way to go. No more drama, please. And talking about personal life... I'm pretty volatile right now. Not that I blow up easy, but something might bother a lot more now than it would before. I hate feeling like this, but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.

A friend asked me about the entry, and apparently my rant managed to make somone slightly "nervous" because that someone thinks he/she fits into that description. Well, it does fit, but it's not you honey. Weird, isn't it, how people can do stupid hurtful things to you no matter what gender they are. I've heard "Guy friends are easier to have" .... yeah right. "Girl friends are way better, they are always there for you".... well not always, apparently, and the dissapointment of realizing that your girl doesn't have your back can be quite overwhelming.

Anyway, the rest of tha day is gonna pretty dull... and I'm bored right now..

-fer-

comments (0)

Aug 25, 2008

you Made my Day Sweetie....thankee!!!!!



Assalamu'alaikum.....


Today, I've been having a miserable day. nothing to write.... By the way I would like to acknowledge Haslinifairos, thank you again for fixing my pc problems for me, you're the best and you made my life easier :)!

Here’s a couple of gems that I remembered from my tele conversations with Haslini:
(lebih kurang je la erk sbb tak bape igt)

me: I give u my tickets no: bla bla bla......my windows passwords dah kene locked banyak kali nih, I tak boleh buat kerja...I dah penat nak explain ni..
her: takpe2 I tgh check ni u tak perlu banyak ckp....(tak pasal2 kena sound)
me: ok2
her: I rasa patutnya takda masalah dah ni....u ade shut down pc u tak?
me: dah bnyak kali dah try tapi tak boleh?
her: okla i reset ur passwords then try to login again...I call u back in 3 minutes to ensure u dah in dlm rpt screen...
me: ok I shut down ni?
her: yer ( cara jawab dh stock bosan ar dgn kerenah aku)

then shut down la pc sekali lagi....lepas 3 minit she call again:

her: mcm mana dh masuk rpt screen?
me: dah2
her: yr new passwords...bla bla bla bla....selalu gan org kita senang ckp melayu jer..
me: takpe I bukan reti ckp english....tak sekolah omputih....
me: ok....dah banyak gila sy tukar passwords ni smpai tk tahu nak buat ape lagi ni....
her: buat je ape2....firdaus, nama ayah u ker...kan sedap hasanudin...
me:dah buat dah....I letak nama u je la mcm tuh?
her: eh jgn tak leh tidur karang...
me: then tak tahu nak buat ape...takpe I try jer...

then changed la the new passwords by using her name....the interesting parts was this is first time ever in my life la..use pc com passwords by using others people name...why it happened?? Crap! then solved le problems aku nih... tak lama kemudian supprisingly she call back...oh sweet!!
again:

her: so mcm mana dah ok?
me: dah thanks erk....I guna nama u jer...
her: habisla tak tidur mlm la mcm ni...I dah agak dah nama I ok....
me: thanks anyway....eh ape email u?

then.......cukup la takat tu jer korang nin!!!.....
yep! am kinda a poyo..enuf..Okay, back to reality....dont start yr fantasis.......

Thank you to all for the nice responds. I really appreciate all your responds and suggestions. You guys inspired me to go forward on my wirting. Once again Thank you to all.

-fer-

comments (2)

Aug 24, 2008

la jour après Premier juillet....'part two'


How many times in your life have you felt personally affronted, offended or disappointed insomeone's actions to the point where an apology seemed to be necessary? Sometimes an apology seems important at the time but the incident fades in time to the point where the incident is forgotten and the need for an apology fades with it.

Other times, it is felt that an apology is so critical that the relationship cannot continue until the apology is delivered and a suitable apology at that, not just any half-hearted apology. So apology can be simple but not always easy. The question always arises, “How do I respond to another's transgressions?” Do I pretend that I don't see it? Do I turn away from it? Do I ignore it? These are questions that we can't ignore and there are no simple answers. But if we find ourselves hanging on to negative emotions we can always make the choice to let them go.

At that moment all of it was too heavy, the weight of it all totally overwhelmed me and as I like knelt beside her, hate, anger, frustration, and bitterness filled my heart against her. when she asked for my forgiveness which I never expecting at all. I rose up my hand and ask to Allah "You've got to be kidding! it was my faults. I don't even deserve her forgiveness. That was very difficult for me! I struggled for quite awhile and try to get of the grid or I despised everything about her. Yes "people" I know, that was the beginning of the healing but rejection causes the deepest wound. The wounds caused by others to our soul are deep and very painful, especially when those wounds are undeserved. And, believe me, there will be many during your lifetime. But it wasn't her faults why should she asked for my forgiveness. I ripped her heart out betrayed our friendship and I lost the best thing ever in my life.

But what I've learned from this situation right now, forgiveness is not the hard part. The hard part is struggle that comes with every moment onwards. For now I dont know to do either. Again there were a lot questions on my mind left unanswered as to how I could ever earn her trust again? Do I still love her? Do I need a second chance? Do I want a second chance? Does she's everything I've ever wanted? or Does she's just want to say sorry and that's it?.

When I present my feelings now I just want to say sorry to her seemed to have deeply hurt by my stupidity. I'm sorry that I live to far away to truley be comfort for her. I'm sorry that she is everything I look for in a woman and a friend. I'm sorry my heart yearns at the very thought of her. For all of this I am sorry. I was an awful friend to her but the truth remain unchanged, I just was unable to hide my feelings towars her. to be continue.......

comments (1)

Time and feelings Change....


Seeing you again has made me realize many things,That times and feelings do change.Looking at you I see that you are happy inside,But still I wonder about the tears you may have cried.

Are you truly as happy as you seem to be?Or is it hesitation, and sadness I see?For whether you realize it or not I do care,And for you I will always be there.

The places have changed with time,Your friendship I hope will always be mine.We have gone separate ways,But we will still share many things in future days.

I want you to know that I am glad you are finally happy and content,You will never realize just what to me you actually meant.I know that the hurt will pass as time goes by,But to say I will stop loving you would be a lie.

For you see, my dearest friend ,You managed to break through the strongly built wall,The wall that surrounded me and protected my feelings inside,The wall that held many tears that I have finally cried.

Your presence will be missed so much in my home and heart,But knowing you are happy, makes me glad that we did part.I want you to know my friend, I will always be here for you.I will always love you no matter what you do.

When you find that you can't go on where you are, and you are unsure of what to do,Remember me and my love for you.For if you need me my friend, I will be there.With all my love and to show you how much I care.

Most of all my friend, I want you to know,That this is probably best for us both to grow,That you are there and I am here,I knew we wouldn't always be together and near.

I suppose in my own selfish way I wanted only for me,Your happiness I did not look for and see.But that has changed my friend so much now,I hope that you can see my love for you and accept it as only you will allow.

No, I don't think I will ever forget you my friend,And I know now that your leaving wasn't the end.I want you to know that when you need me and you find you might be alone,You my friend, are welcome to come back, to my love and my home.

I love you dear friend, do not cry,For I have decided to stay here, and make it and at least for myself try.We will stay in touch of this I am sure,And who knows, maybe someone else will finally mature.

Just remember dear friend, I love you and this will always remain,My friendship is yours, and that will always be the same.Take care my friend, and may your happiness grow,For I love you, and this I did so want you to know

~poem by RW edited by fer~

comments (0)

kau ilkamku.........


Assalamu'alaikum...


hahaha.. nothing to reprt this evening (maybe at night), except I wan to share this song. Took me a long search in my folder to get and finally!. Enjoy this song :) , I know I do. This is offficially one of my favorite song. "Kau Ilhamku" chewahh!!!!

I have nothing to write about today, it's been slow, I haven't been doing much work, basically slept a lot. :). Now I have to go pray and such :) .

I love my friends and family, hope you guys have the best upcoming ramadhan !

Wassalam...

to whom it may concern this special song for you;
(you know how you are)

Beribu bintang dilangit Kini menghilang, Meraba aku dalam kelam, Rembulan mengambangKini makin suram, Pudar ilhamku tanpa arah, Sedetik wajahmu muncul Dalam diam, Ada kerdipan ada sinar, Itukah bintang atau rembulan, Terima kasih ku ucapkan, Izinkan kumencuri bayangan wajahmu, Izinkan ku mencuri khayalan denganmu, Maafkanlah oh...Andai lagu iniMengganggu ruangan hidupmu, Kau senyumlah oh...Sekadar memori Kita di arena ini, Kau ilhamkuKau ilhamku...huhuhuhuhu

I guess tonight I have something special to write....stay tune guys!!
~thankee thankee for the nice supports~

-fer-

comments (1)

Aug 23, 2008

ferBoostonthafabLane.......

Assalamu'alaikum....


Waaaahhh.... lamenye 4 hari tak tulis..sbb busy mengikuti apeal kes si russian tuh then cut and paste jer russian nye story tu mesti korang pun bosan "ape menda si fer ni buat kan?" hahahahah...(sori ler hari nie kurang ade mood nak tulis everything in English, kalau kene marah ngan cikgu englishku pun nasiblah). Anyways, kite yang kat umah nie baru baik demam yang telah berlangsung selame due hari. For two days, nak bangun katil pun cam torture, tambah dengan sakit perut yang memulas and suhu badang yang tak leh nak decide kalau die nak sejuk ke panas. Kejap pasang kipas, kejap tutup kipas, nak kesian dengan mrs kipasku tuh, baik kesian diri senirik sebab due malam tak leh nak tido, merane sorang2 sebab tanak jumpe doctor. Tang sakit perut tu lah tak tahan sebab nak gie bathroom tak leh, lan jenis sakit nye, nak baring sakit, nak duduk pun sakit. Last-last berdiri jalan keliling umah tgh malam, gie terkejutkan uncle yang ingat kan penyangak mane ntah masuk umah, nasib baik tak kene silat. Nasib baik jugak treadmill dah tak ujud dalam umah (ye ke nasib baik?) kalau tak ade jugak gune treadmill kol 3 pagi sebab takleh nak tido. Hantu betul.

Selain daripada itu(macam buat surat resmi laks ehem ehem!) lama tak tulis sbb been busy kemas2 bilik yg mcm kandang kambing. so nak re engineered balik bilik ku inin...but my new room left a lot to be desired, though, because there's no book shelf for me to put my books. That totally threw me off, since I do have a lot of books (accumulated throughout the 2 years), and now my books are laying on the floor inside their respective boxes. Definitely not cool. Oh, btw, cikgu english ku, if you're reading this blog, see, I'm writing mostly in English. See how much I love you? Hope you're having an awesome holiday.
As for me, I'm stuck here. Actually, it's a good thing. So many things have happened, I think I do need the time to get myself centered and free-up my head to prepare for the new year(awal erk?). This year, everything was rush-rush. I rushed to settle stuff, rushed to push feelings away so that I can focus, rushed to force myself to be okay about things when in actuality I didn't feel okay. Rushed to be normal for everyone else's sake except mine. Rush rush rush....

Bangun pepagi ingatkan buleh ler study utk IELTS lebey2 sket... hampeh, habuk pun tak masuk. Ngehehe... then take a break and tgk list people not in my contact list, but have me in theirs. Ade lah jugak quite a few, mase tgh dok2 ponder "pas test nak kene clean-up email, kene delete contacts yg tak....", tetibe perasan satu email me yang kinda vaguely familiar lah jugak. Pastu it hits me. Ish, org nie tak patut have me dalam die punye contact pun, actually. So selepas setahun tak memblock org secare permanent, I broke my rule and move the address to my "blocked messages" kotak. Childish? Maybe. Stupid? Hell yeah. Puas hati tak pastu? Definitely. Heheh. Diabolical minds works in twisted ways. then tengahari buat alligment keta...bleh plak stereng keta aku sengget....cuba check sikit...???

Anyway, my pre test IELTS english oral went so and so. Nak kate teruk sgt, tak jugak, but it wasn't that bad. I was very, very happy when my GSI said that my english "flows" and that I have a nice accent. Heheheheh... bangge bangge (ye lah tuh) and dia puji "exceptionally good for this level..... hope to hear you talk more in class". Wah wah wah wah.... hepi hepi hepi!!!tapi dia kata jgn terikut-ikut movie sgt. Anyway, I liked english so much I might even consider taking extra class, but we'll see :) .

comments (1)

The request for Mikhail Khodorkovsky’s early release is a test for President Medvedev


From the exchange of letters between the Frankfurter Rundschau and Mikhail Khodorkovsky:

There are many versions as to why the Kremlin had you arrested in 2003 and destroyed Yukos. They say Yukos dealt too independently, controlled more than 100 members of parliament and followed its own energy policies. In a meeting with Vladimir Putin at the Kremlin in February 2003 you denounced corruption in the environment around him. When he rejected your suggestion for a Yukos pipeline to China you answered: “Vladimir Vladimirovich, you fail to understand the importance the relationship with China.” Were you brought down because you didn’t show the Czars the respect they demand?

If we leave economic interests aside, what remains is that I was socially engaged, and personally supported opposition parties financially. In the meeting with the president I gave a lecture on corruption in the highest levels of power. This lecture was the result of discussions with many people, including Kremlin authorities. Several of them had to leave the Kremlin afterwards. Those are the facts. The rest is myth. The new charges brought against me are also complete lunacy.

Do you regret not having fled the country in 2003, despite warnings of arrest?

I am sorry for other Yukos people who have also been condemned to prison, and for my family. But for me it was above all a question of my honor, of faith or betrayal, and in the end patriotism. In this situation I couldn’t just walk away.

What would you do if you were released? Be a businessman again, politician, or something else?

I have built up a great debt to my family, even if unwillingly. I would above all try and pay that back.

If Mikhail Khodorkovsky is found guilty in a new trial, he could be condemned to another 22 years in the prison camp. His lawyers have calculated this. He would then be 67 upon his release.

-posted by robert amsterdam editted by fer-

comments (0)

Aug 21, 2008

two things that have made me really happy today the working day is almost ending and someone who talked about "Ireland and Sorry"...

Assalamu’alaikum……



Today didn’t go exactly as I planned. I got in to work at about 9.00am, which isn’t bad considering we have flex hours, but it would’ve been nice to come in extra early when it was quiet and just try and get most of my work done, cause after lunch time, I’m sluggish, and I just don’t wanna do anything. Then I had a briefing where pretend I got lost trying to find the room, then realized that I didn’t have the templates we were gonna discuss. Luckily enough nothing major happened.It’s kinda tough to talk about work ‘cause I have no idea what’s confidential and what’s not, but so far I’ve been very vague about stuff. Which is probably why I went on and on about the audit ‘cause that’s the only thing I can really write about without worrying about getting in trouble.

But work has been good, went lunch together with gabbie, zeta, mahyudd and shaza yesterday then also to an old friends dinner event afterwards. One would’ve thought that after seven years in an old friends school, I would’ve known better by now, luckily enough for people reading this blog, I haven’t really. LoL. But it wasn’t bad, the food and drinks were good, the location kinda sucked a bit but hey, if I have to get on the freeway just to get to a restaurant, I’d rather have it be that restaurant. Oh, in case you were wondering, we went to the TGI Fridays, near (or in) Pavillion downtown.

I realize that I don’t have time to feel bored. There’s work during the weekdays, then socials during the weekend, and at night, I’d be so pooped from all the day activities I’d go straight to sleep after fighting to stay awake for Isya’ prayers. It’s been a lil’ hectic. On the plus side, I’m better at driving around anywhere now and figuring out where things are, and also figuring out that maneuvering the freeway is the only way I can survive around here.

I'm gonna watching X-files on Saturday. Should be fun, I hope. I liked the x-files tv shows and I’m hoping the movie one doesn’t disappoint. Some of my friends also actually recommended death race, with Jason Statham and Joan Allen. I dunno, it might be worth getting to.

I’m not feeling well right now, something is making me very uncomfortable and I can’t put my finger on it. To someone who talked about "Ireland" and "Sorry" I really appreciates what you've been doing but I really dont deserve your apologies...to be continue...

~fer Later! ~

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Aug 20, 2008

Михаи́л Бори́сович Ходорко́вский


October 28, 2007 - by Kim Zigfeld

If you know the name Mikhail Khodorkovsky, it probably doesn’t surprise you to learn that his lawyer, Robert Amsterdam, has published a 75-page white paper documenting a litany of constitutional violations by the Kremlin prosecutors who got his client sentenced to eight years in a Siberian gulag on allegations of corporate fraud.

But so what, right? What else would his own lawyer say?
Khodorkovsky, former CEO of the formerly enormous YUKOS oil concern (now liquidated by the Kremlin) was arrested four years ago last week, at five o’clock in the morning Moscow time, while his airplane was refueling in the Siberian town of Novosibirsk...continue.......


August 20, 2008 - by Fer

A prosecutor can almost always find some half-baked reason to indict an individual. Traffic cops, for instance, have long joked that they can ticket anybody if they watch them closely for five miles. Everybody is intrinsically a law breaker. And no, I’m not exaggerating. The spirit of the law must dominate, not the strict letter—or civilization will collapse. We will return to savagery. Human laws often contradict themselves and some are still on the books even though they have been ignored for years. Why did the Russians decide to prosecute Mikhail Khodorkovsky? Was it truly legitimate—or just an excuse to harass a “trouble maker”?

Those interested in expressing support for Mr. Khodorkovsky can visit the following website:
http://www.mbktrial.com/
~fer~

comments (1)

Aug 19, 2008

Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday.......


Assalamu'alaikum....


First of all.... just wanna say... forget about what I wrote previously. LoL. I was being waaaaaaayyyyy too optimistic. Things can feel fine one minute and the next, you're suddenly reminded why you were really miserable before. So you can either be mature and act like it doesn't bother you, or you can be human and let it go in your own time. Being human is easier, LoL. I want to be happy, and I want to feel safe. And I'm not over it yet.

Weekend was spent very relaxingly. By visiting Zaza's itty bitty baby on Saturday. And drafting my new book on Sunday( a husband's duty). Far's will coming back on this Ramadhan (ooppss...). Tetibe ade tulis pasal Far kan. Far's told me she'll leaving on early ramadhan! and I'm gonna see her after (not sure yet) ! Maybe I should or I shouldn't.....ahhh cut the crap!!!

On Sunday, I realized that I can talk to a person, fall asleep, wake up, writing and continue the conversation like nothing happened... even though I was asleep for about 10 minutes. Who woulda think.And I'm just trying to figure out what I wanna do for the next jalan-jalan cari pasal. I really want to go somewhere in europe again, ... well, the UK.butttttt!!! ***ra wants me to go to Dublin and visit her for a bit, but there might be some I-20 issues with that and I don't know if I can risk it or not. Oh decisions decisions.... Oh!

On Monday, I went over to my uncle's house with my untie, mom, and a few cousins for kenduri and came back around 10 o'clock or something....really tired though!! until I couldn't sleep....and suddenly......I just realized, I'm not particularly good at anything specific. I'm poor in academic, poor in footballl, suck at everything else resembling sports and average in working. My writing is decent at best, so is my singing (probably), and I have no other talent whatsoever. I can't even play the piano anymore, I've forgotten so much and I'm so much out of practice. Average looks, average height...... I mean, I can honestly say that I'm a nice person, but in this world nobody really cares about that. Average person ... scary. Wish I can break free of all the mediocrity and actually be really good at SOMETHING.

And now it's Tuesday. I'm as sleepy as shit (I was chain-drinking nescafe this morning just to keep the sugar and caffeine rush up and keep me from getting sleepy while working on my duty). Work started at 8.30 am this morning. After a full day yesterday, all I want to do right now is just crawl back into bed and catch some more z's. But this morning I still managed to get myself settled a few jobs that totally required me to be awake. This morning the office is, in teff's words, really "jumpin' ". Out of all the days, it has to be the day that I'm sleepiest for alllllllllll o' this to happen. But right now I just couldn't sleep and decided to just blog a bit. Two updates in one day, I'm on a roll hehehehe. Anyway I'm excited for the last saturday game Arsenal vS. W.Brom....The Gunners had won their first match by 1-0....yay!!!

So that was how my days went..........
-fer-

comments (3)

She's just not THAT into me.......


Assalam'ualaikum....


I've just alomost finished writing one book (well, actually I finished it two days ago), and I gotta say, for such a small book, it sure packs a punch. It certainly got me feeling a lot of emotions: anger, sadness, mortification.... and acceptance.I've accepted a long time ago that I'm not perfect, and I kinda left it at that. I'm not perfect, and I make mistakes. What I haven't accepted was the fact that it was okay to not be perfect, to not fit into The Girl's defination of perfect guy, because ultimately, the person I'm meant to be with would still think I'm perfect in spite of, or because of, my faults. The Girl might not like the fact that I have a small, babyish voice, but The One would find it endearing.When it comes to matters of the heart, I figured that since I'm not perfect, I shouldn't really expect the girl I'm with to be perfect.

Now that's a really dangerous road to go down, and the book made me realize that. Because once you have it in your head "Oh, she's doing something that I don't like, that's okay, she's not perfect, I probably annoy hers, too", then you start ignoring the vital signs. Big, fat, juicy signs that hollers she's Just Not That Into You. You start forgiving things that you shouldn't be. You let the fact that he makes you cry at least once a month slide, because you keep remembering the good times and oh how good the good times were and this is just a small bump in the road and we'll get over it .... And the excuses keep on coming until one day, you realize that you were the bump in his road and she's completely over you.Writing the book was tough for me.

It made me face facts. The signs were there and I didn't want to see it; because of that I let The Girl have the power to hurt me. I let her dictate how the relationship, if you can even call it that, play out to his advantage. The book made me see my past relationships, dates and crushes in a different way. I used to think that maybe if I had done things a little differently, be more sophisticated instead of emotionally vulnerable, then things could have been different. I realize know that there was nothing I could've done to keep her interest.

What I do have control over now, though, is how I behave once it's apparent that a girl is not into me enough to want a lasting relationship with me.So for me personally, I need to remember these :

If I'm the one who usually calls, but she never calls me first because talking on the phone is "not her thing", then she's just not that into me.

If she never wants to hang out with me and my friends at all, then she's just not that into me.
If I'm the one who's always making plans, and she just goes along with it, then maybe he's really not that into me.

If she doesn't want the "girlfriend" label because she "doesn't like labels", then she's really not that into me. That's just a step away from not wanting to be the "wife" because she doesn't like labels.

If she's into me, she'd want everyone to know we're together.

Life is complicated enough without having the woman in your life be the wrong woman. I'd rather be by myself and happy, than be with someone and be miserable. And the first step to being happy?

~from fer with love~

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Aug 14, 2008

The FerBooks......


ahh....tak bleh titun. Currently really tak tu ape nak tulis..ok I got it, just nak share....


Current books in my hand(tp dh baca sket2) ;

1.The betrayed by David Hosp

2.Leonuris Ohara Choice

3.Protech and defence by Vince Flynn

4.The Scorpia by Anthony Horowitz

5.The Historian by Elizebeth Kostova

6.Embraced by the light by Betty J. Eadie

7.Sakitnya Sayang by norhayati brahim

The books yg aku dah tulis;

1. Kasih Suci(completed 2002) edited by Izzah

2. Unending( Completed 2008) edited by Someone

3.The day after 1st July.....(in progress) viewed by Lindzia and zeta

4.A Husband's Duty(drafting not start yet)-none


-there-


comments (7)

FerAside from seeing..........

Assalamu'alaikum.....


Mien again, Though today is pretty slow day for me plus with the fuckin "Bold Meeting"....and ada test plak tuh!,holy crap! I managed to pass the damn bold test even though I seriusly thought I failed it and was gonna have to take it again...ahhh!!!! but tonight isn't the subject..

Things are pretty quiet now in my life, aside from work, sleep, eat and worrying about money, I really have nothing going on. I made my credit cards payments just now, planned a budget for upcoming charges (and hopefully a trip to ***) and decided that I'm in pretty good shape. As my days seem to be calming down and I've settled most of my account stuff (feel bad for adding work for someone else now that I know how much work really is)....thankee mahyudd...

Sometimes I miss having someone around to just talk with. Nadeen and I used to talk a lot during the evenings when we got back from work. It was nice because I can just ask her and pop in to say"nak balik sama", and we would just vent out whatever stress that we had to each other. To the rest of the world she was this quiet, serious looking girl but to me she was this funny person who listened to what I had to say and never failed to put a funny spin on things so that in the end, all of the complicated things in my life that was bringing me down, didn't seem so complicated anymore.

A friend once told me "Just because they're not there doesn't mean you'll ever forget ". And I haven't, not for a single day. Nadeen was my comfort zone, people who I know I can tell anything and it won't up being blabbed to everyone, and in return I offered my friendship and whatever comfort and help I can give whenever I can. I guess in a way I hid behind her, took comfort in needing and being needed. Now that the screen is gone, what is left is me, and to learn how to function and operate in this new environment I was thrust in is just a concept that is too hard for me to comprehend right now, or maybe ever.

Almost 2 months had passed and I still haven't really found anyone like her, and most likely never will. In a way I'm being forced to be with me, to look at me and to come to terms with who I am and what defines me. I keep myself busy with work and acquiring new material things and sometimes writing :) , but while that would fill my days, when I lay on my bed at night, I'm still left with tonnes of memories and a huge gap in my heart.

Maybe I'm feeling extra melancholic because Nadeen I used to shared many things together. Sometimes it just didn't seem fair that I'm still here and she not, though I try to push those kind of thoughts away since I know what was decreed by Him is law and just. However I'm willing to admit that I'm afraid to die, and I am glad that my time isn't here yet. I don't want to leave before I've made some kind of mark and did some kind of good.

Okay, enough of the heavy stuff. See? See what writing all these superfluous is doing to me?? I'm sitting here in front of my laptop with no better thoughts in my head than thinking about my toaster taking over the world. I DON'T EVEN HAVE A TOASTER! holy crap!, I'm turning into an oxymoron, which is soooo much worse than your normal everyday moron. Oh well... moving on....

Beleive me not I myself was crying uncontrollably into my arms....I miss her somush!!!


-fer-

comments (0)

Aug 13, 2008

Fer Life on the daddyHood Lane.......



Assalamu'alikum...

Dang! Totally forgot, Haluu Zaza, CONGRATULATIONS for 2nd baby valued 080803...(mohamad adam) He's a handsome little fella - just like me! DUShhh!!....heck!....A cute, chubby itty bitty lil' wee thing who's pink face and pretty eyes makes you go "aaahhh... sho cute". I love babies. They're so innocent and cute, and all they do is cry, poop and eat. (this would probably be a good time to make a crack at the women that I've known, but I'm gonna be nice today and not go there). I've always wanted kids of my own when I start a family. Honestly, kalau kate lah kan, ditakdirkan takde jodoh, I think what would break my heart more isn't the fact that I won't have a women in my life, but that I wouldn't get to go through the experience of fatherhood. However, that's a long way to go yet, and I'm nt gonna worry about things that I'm not even ready for.

I'm so sleepy right now, it's ridiculous. Catch you guys on the flip side.....zzzzzzz...

-fer-

comments (1)

Oits FrienDzzzZZzz.....



Assalamu'alaikum.....


My head is spinning so bad..... I'm currently working on the user for my online advertising....wait, did I ever mention this?errr forget it...Oh and by the way, GUYS!....I want to let you know, I rarely read back what I wrote before hitting the "Publish Post" button, so don't start getting all sarcastic with me about my atrocious spelling or how my sentences don't make sense because I'm missing a "not" or an "of" somewhere. At least I'm producing a literary (if I may call it that) piece that actually has my thoughts and feelings in it, something that I can read weeks, maybe years from now and still laugh and say, "I used to get so worked up about the stupidest stuff". What do you have? Just all your sarcastic comments and your vicious words against other people you put down because your own like is a pathetic piece of junk.

OhYash!!!!...I read(sinopsis kek belakang sikit jer..heck!) in a Sidney Sheldon novel, a quote that went along something like this "Never assume, it makes an ASS out of YOU and ME". Do not assume that if you feel that something is hard for you, then it will automatically be hard for me. Don't assume that if you felt this situation really tried your nerves, then if you put me in it, I'll automatically break down and cry. Don't assume that if I cry, it's because I'm weak, maybe it's better for me to cry rather than ravage another person with cutting words and my anger. Because I think through the way I handled myself through all the shit that happened to me this year, and how I handled all of the mishandled criticisms I had of "taking advantage of the situation", I think I did pretty well, thank you very much. I didn't turn to mush. I didn't break down completely even when all I wanted to do was to leave everything and run away.

Most of the time, I refrained from letting my emotions from controlling my head and cloud my judgment. I didn't use PMS as a reason to suddenly be angry with someone for no reason (well maybe once or twice, but mostly I just stayed away from people in general because during that time of the month, people piss me off, I don't wanna be around things that pisses me). And if I do get angry, I don't get VERBAL. How do I let my anger out? By writing and writing and writing....

What makes a good piece of essay, a good novel, a good book? What makes an entry in an online journal good? When people say it's good? When a lot of people buy the book, the newspaper, come to the website? When people compliment you about it? For me, something is good when you can read something and know that it actually comes from the heart, not just facts, because a heart feels, beats to the rhythm not only of the body but the mind and the soul. Facts? Using the words that so often describe "facts", they're hard and cold... Okay?I'm sleepy and cranky, so I better pen off now and get some sleep.... zzzzz....
Wassalam..
anyway gabbie and zeta...thank you very much!!
-fer-

comments (2)

Aug 10, 2008

mien point de vue.......



Assalamu'alaikum....
ma life(errrr)...... when it is boring, nothing happens. Nothing. When it gets interesting, it got to be a little too interesting for my liking. Take for example, my job. See, I started LOVing it. Before this, I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my life. But now I know. I'm not that good at writing from draft, however, I guess I'm good at figuring out when something about banking or financing, or when something involved in money. I still love learning and reading about taxation, world economics review, business news, account principles...... these are the things that really makes sense to me.

Okay, so I just said I love my job. However, I wasn't liking the issues that was happening in the team (the fights, arguments, blame, the root course... let's just say things weren't going well). As much as I would love to rant and go into details, I'm not gonna. Simply because I don't want a written proof that I just went off on a specific person/people. I'm not gonna embarrass him/her/them like that. Of course, I also don't wanna get sued down the road after I become famous (how will I be famous? Dunno, haven't thought that far yet. )

I'm, however, going in general. I've too much anger to just let it sit and simmer. Hypocrisy, no matter how much all of us try to avoid it or deny it, lives in all of us. And yes, I do mean all. Try and count the times that you have said one thing then did the total opposite, or when you criticize someone for doing something but then found yourself doing the exact same thing. I know I've done it, and I've seen all of my friends do it, too (how do you suppose people find topics to gossip about?). Now while hypocrasy is a universal trait, there's a diference between that and being a full-blown hypocrite. A hypocrite doesn't recognize he/she is a hypocrite. Hypocrites tend to impose their opinions on others. Worse of all, what they say tend to hurt and in some cases, have a long lasting effect. And in my experience, hypocrites also tend to be able to talk their way out of a lot of things, or make it seem like what they say or do is totally right and in reality, it's not.

I know certain things we should not do; make a joke that hurt feelings, embrrass people in public, steal, discard people's idea all the time in favor of our own, and do not; attack person when their down, impose opinions on others, pretend you are doing work when you are not. These are some reason that all of us should not do, we know this right!; yet one time or another, we caught ourselves red-handed doing one of these unforgivables and the only way to make things better is to repent and apologize if you had hurt somebody.

Sometimes even that does not work. Although I try not to let it consume me, I still find myself getting angry time and again over a mean word a friend said, or a mean thing someone did, or being bullied. The thing that calms me down is to remember that most of them do not mean to be cruel, and to also remember that somewhere out there someone else might still be hurting over what I did, too. Of course, that does not stop me from breaking friendships whenever I feel like I couldn't take it anymore (it is a vice of mine, less good, I know. I'm not the best example LoL).

Sometimes when things do not work, it is better to part ways. That's exactly what happened to my job. Some of the team members had to split ways with others so that the yelling would stop and the work could be done. It is not the most ideal situation, but at least it is a step to a better direction. You cannot treat people poorly and not expect repercussions. There are times to pick battles, and there are times to just shut up. There are ways to get around annoyances without airing out your and our problems in public. People are not meant to be perfect, that is a given. But we are given the choice to not appear .... So why choose to be one?

At least the team issues are pretty much resolved. I learned an important lesson....to not be afraid to admit when a situation is not working. I thought I learned that some time ago. If it doesn't work, and you have given it your best shot, then it just doesn't work.

Omigosh! I'm babble too much.....and I need to stop! as usual I'm not making any sense to anybody, better stop before I start eating my finger...
I really miss someone right now!.....Lol
-fer-

comments (1)

ShopFer's FielD....



Assalamu'alaikum...





Wah, celake betul, ATM card dah ran out. How the hell did that happen??? Oh wait... I know.... I spent like crazy in repairing my car, then I spent some more buying laptop... then some more buying clothes. Dude I got to stop spending so much. So it's off to All Mall to return the clothes I bought. Damn damn damn. Maybe I can return some other crap that I bought... but I've pretty much worn them all. Ooops.


Congrats to Lynn and Osama on the impending marriage. God bless and lots of happy wishes.


-fer-

comments (0)

Aug 9, 2008

I'm not Single too....



Dear Lisa Surihani,


First of all congratulation for been awarded "Pelakon Wanita Harapan" FFM (tatau yg ke bape kebetulan went to kitchen nak minum air nmpak dia nin amik hadiah) . The first time I saw you. Off course you didn't notice me then, because there were a throng of "great guys" around us at your college Help Institute and I was shrimp. Actually I've been working at KPMG, which next of your college building that time. I sitll am, actually. You, on the other hand stood a good 5'8" feet tall...okay. So maybe 5'3", but straight dark hair that you sported gave you kinda cute face, and skinny kinda way.

Back when I first saw you and you didn't notice me, I'm not single had just joined KPMG for a month, and was excited at the prospect of meeting new friends, boys and girls alike. You were standing near a wall and talking to a hensome spiky hair guy. I thought he was your boyfriend. You probably would have said otherwise.

The first time you notice me was in the morning, I walked and accidently my tag fell infront of you. You extended your hand with my tag and smiled to me by then I was blushing so hard. Oh you gorgeous! I think my whole face was red. I hope you thought I was pink from the sun and not from you. I was drowning by the second, so I tear my eyes off yours, adjusted the strap of my carry-all and I was hoping you would say " I noticed you from before"

Oh well not all fantasies can some true. So our next consisted off...
(guys dialog dia mcm ni masa dia pass the tag to me)

You: Here..
Me: oh great! no I mean thanks....

I looked at you and melted. I try not let you walk away without keeping some memory of you, but I just can't.LoL

Lisa Surihani, If you had really given your phone number to me, would we be friends now? or would you eventually drift out of my life like the girl before you? or would you understand and still want to be near me? Would you be there during those times when I was in pain, or would you just say "Erm.. I have to go.. see ya!" and leave because you hate uncomfortable situations? Would it matter to you now whether I'm single or I'm not single, or would we be such good friends that things like that doesn't matter?

Lisa Surihani, if I smile at you now, would you recognize me and remember?


Sincerely ,

The boys who bulshes

Note: I really wish you'll read this....and I'm very familiar with american slang and I know you're more to British...Think! If we have a child together, definetly they will sucess like British American Tobacco.omigosh! Lol.....

-fer-

comments (2)

Cuti-Cuti Wyoming.....


Assalamu'alaikum

I have had the craziest idea of touring "states"(specifically wyoming)....alone. A friend of mine did it. I'm sure it wasn't that bad....except for the visa though! I remember touring by train when I was in Europe. ohkies..I'm not exactly a fan of gettin around by train. But I admitted the trip was pretty fun. I love going to places with rides and stuff like that, but I haven't had any cultural experience for well over many years, and I can barely remember the places that I went when I was there. Actually I wouldn't mind touring with friends of course but somehow I don't think anyone would wanna do the same stuff that I wan to....boring stuff like going to museums, sight seeing and stuff like that....I love stockholm , but aside from the "heart of stockholm" everything are so inacessible. Oh well...my parents would probaly have a fit if I tell them I want to travel alone again, but tour with an agency seems safe unough, so we will see :)


huh!! nak titun sat...nnti sambung tulis blik.....LoL


-fer-

comments (0)

Aug 8, 2008

frOm fer wIf love..........



Assalamu'alaikum.....

Aiiihhh.... had a really long day today, as always. Strange how that seems to be the case everytime I have lotsa things due. Anyway, I got a nice msg today. Nice I was commended on my writing( thanks zeta, tp nape tak faham ape yg aku tulis erk! english aku teruk erk?) since apparently my writing skills "Surpassed" of the limit......so we'll c...the compliment was nice, I always like hearing nice stuff about my writing. Sometimes I wonder if I have talent or it just repressed emotions that I can't say out loud because I'd sound like a pretentious american wannabe, so I write all of it down instead. We'll see about this blog, I don't want take reponsibilities that I can't commit, it would hurt people and damage my ability(whatever's left of it) and it would just be plain selfish and stupid. Like they say when you take on any responsibility, just like being a fuhrer, "one step closer to the hell". That is how serious things get and that is how serious I take it nowdays.....hmmmm!! enuff...enuff..enuff..!!!

Okay, I played this song to death in my playlist for so long now, it's only fair that I share my love (?) for it with everyone. It's being overplayed in the radio anyway, so me singing it here wouldn't exactly matter so much! hahaha.... " dlm cinta harus saling percaya dlm cinta harus berani pasrah dlm cinta nananananananana..." =D....ciao! babe.....wasalam...

-fer-

comments (0)

Aug 7, 2008

thE Bad Dreamz Car of GeIsha.....



assalamu'alaikum...




Been very, very busy today, I just took my car from "somewhere", I love my car Very much. As much as I love my friends. But I know ma car still looks like a wreck, but at least it's still doing it's purpose of transporting me to places that I need to go. I have changed my car into a new looks much more standard rather than hankee pankiee car. Time has passed for doin that. And the changes really killing ma time...kerk!

Well let's just say even if you are.. ermm.. mentally challeneged, if you can drive a car or operate heavy machinery, then I can still whoop your ass whenever you start acting like a spoiled, sick little jerk. All the things that are happening around me is enough to give a migraines.

Anyway, what prompted me to write today, aside from the fact that I'm stuck at the "somewhere"(kedai kunci senanrnya) a little while longer since it's raining outside, is the fact that last night, I had a really weird dream. It was a bad dream... at least in my opinion. Only one other person aside from D***a (seb baik ko mesej aku, pompuan, thankee thankee :) ) knows about it, nyahaha. Suffice to say, I accidentally fell asleep without washing me feet, dreamt, woke up crying, realized I woke up BEFORE my alarms clock started buzzing and then went to the bathroom to smayang Subuh.

After that, I went on a quest to MAKE SURE that everything is the way it's suppposed to be and not warped like the way it was in my dream. So I started poking my nose around places that I really have no business in just to make sure that everything's okay. All of that happened before 10am.... pretty eventful morning.

Anyway, at the evening started out weirdly enough, and the sucky weather prompted everyone to lose their house keys, which means that I spent half of my evening making house keys for probably half of the residents of ma home, I know you're beloved auntie and uncle but keys don't melt just because it's raining outside. Weather seriously "not bad". I was glad to get back home.

Tonight was the movie memoir of geisha(astro 11-1.30), Woo hoo!! I've been waiting for it for so long (saje nk tgk balik)...ma uncle and untie promptly left when the show came on tv (there's no accounting for taste... seriously)...I watched this movie before, that movie with Michelle Yeoh and Zhang Yi. Anyway, the lady who played the villain Hatsumomo, Chinese actress Gong li is freakin' GORGEOUS!. It was really good movi the cinematography was excellent...wish it had stayed closer to the book and developed more of mameha's character, but I guess you can only do so much in 2-1/2 hours of movie time. To tell the truth, I like this one better than King Kong. Tgk org bercinta dengan beruk, buat ape. Pompuan tgk beruk, beruk tgk pompuan, main ais skating kat mane2 ntah. 3 jam plak tuh kene tgk beruk ngan pompuan tgk each other.

Ahhh...crap!!!....I like me when I'm feeling sarcastic, I sound like an obnoxious moron who watched waaaayyyy too many reruns of Friends and Seinfeld. Or maybe just too much Comedy Central, I have a thing for Jon Stewart. Yummy.... wasalam



Note: dear reader, if korang accidently ter-in dlm blog(ngok) aku ni. kindly pls vote yr respond by return tested voting machine kat bawah sekali tu erk. rating je la bape2 as long as korang happy...thanks for reading anyway. (terfikir mcm nak buat open house blog aku la) kerk!


-there-

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Survey episode two.....


Assalamu'alaikum....

Do the usual stuff..read to know more bout the somebody and copy the whole thing and paste it on ur Bulletin.Tada!

I AM: sleepy
I WANT: to have a room that cleans itself

I HAVE: a camera that decided to suddenly go dead on me

I WISH: my hair can be super botak without me having to fork out cash at the salon

I HATE: people who lie, betray and are basically ass-wipes

I MISS: Stockholm

I FEAR: that I don't find true love

I HEAR: songs in my head

I SEARCH: for a Coca-cola article!

I WONDER: when I can be aggresive enuff to grab the world by the balls

I REGRET: taking people for granted

I LOVE: having people i love around me

I ACHE: to perform in public

I ALWAYS: plan things that never happens

I AM NOT: happenin!

I DANCE: none,
I SING: all the time too... sometimes really good, other times badly enuff that I tell myself to shut up
I CRY: when I'm sad... I used to all the time, not anymore though

I AM NOT ALWAYS: forgiving, contrary to popular beliefs... not always a mean bitch either

I WRITE: when I want to

I WIN: some

I LOSE: some

I CONFUSE: a lot of people on whether I'm notty or nice... a bit of both, actually, though I'm not THAT notty

I NEED: family, friends, and good CAR
I SHOULD: be doing something more useful with my time

-------------------------------------------------
Yes Or No...

x. You keep a diary: yes, kinda
x. You like to cook: yes, most definitely

x. You have a secret you have not shared with anyone: Yes

x. You believe in love: Yes

-------------------------------------------------

The weirdest person you know: no one's weird... okay, myself, then the

Loudest Person you Know: Teff kat Tpt ZAza, muahahahah

The Sexiest Person you Know: like I'm gonna say

The Cutest Person you Know: Adik Lindzreen

Your closest friend(s): do I have to name them all? people, you know who you are :) ... and I love you all!!

The People that Knows the Most about you: Nobody... I only give pieces of myself away, so if you wanna know all, get a conference with all of my friends

-------------------------------------------------

Do You...?

Have a(any) crush(es): for the time being, not really

Want to get married: yes, much later, though

Get motion Sickness: nope!

Think you're a health freak: not really

Get along with your parents: yes :) ... luve me mum and dada

Like thunderstorms: heck no... gile ke?

-------------------------------------------------

NATURAL HAIR COLOR: Black

CURRENT HAIR COLOR: Black

EYE COLOR: Brown..serius! Look At properly!
BIRTHPLACE: pj

-------------------------------------------------

(FAVORITES ) NUMBER: 1 and 5

COLOR: pink(Victoria Secret) and white

DAY: wednesday and friday

MONTH: November (my birthmonth! )
currently:

SONG : again plain white "hey there delilah"
FOOD: Baskin Robbins (yummy)

SEASON: Winter.

SPORT: watching: skateboarding and football

participating: I don't do sports, haha... just kidding, I love basketball, though I suck at it

DRINK: Limau Ice.
-------------------------------------------------

( PREFERENCES )

CUDDLE OR MAKE OUT : both (devil devil devil)

CHOCOLATE MILK, OR HOT CHOCOLATE? Both, depending on weather

MILK, DARK, OR WHITE CHOCOLATE? white

VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE? vanilla

-------------------------------------------------

( IN THE LAST 24 HOURS, HAVE YOU.... )

CRIED? nope

HELPED SOMEONE? yes

BOUGHT SOMETHING? Yes

GOTTEN SICK? nope

GONE TO THE MOVIES? hell no

GONE OUT FOR DINNER? Gone Mamak stall

WRITTEN A REAL LETTER? errr... hehe.. nooooo

TALKED TO AN EX? Yesssssss……

MISSED AN EX? No

WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL? Yessss
HAD A SERIOUS TALK? Yessss

MISSED SOMEONE? yes

HUGGED SOMEONE? yes.. well half hug anyway

FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS? Dad!

FOUGHT WITH A FRIEND? No

Kerk! finally...finished this crap!


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She tHe oNe......


Assalamu'alikum....


This is first time i talk about my girlfriends since i've been blogging....WHy becoz now! we faced truly difficult time together. I'm trying not to point is all about her faults or ma faults. Time and feelings change. Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost a 3 years now. And she just happened to tell me now that i alwiz ignored her. Yeah certainly i did..But actually i really bothered by something i really don't know and unsure. I guess she felt weirded out and insecure about the situation. I'm also afraid she couldnt lasted and she might want to leave me...i have to stop right here...my eyes begin to tears up if i further up more.....shits!! I don't undestand. I don't understand why. I don't know what to think, what to feel, how to act, how to react.I don't understand and I'm so confused right now. How is it that just 24 hours before I was writing up in a blog, feeling good about myself, and right now I don't even know what just happened? How is this my fault? What did I do to even deserve this?


crap!!! i would like to say this....


Sometime have a good day and sometime have a bad day, things happen, shit happens, good things happen. For the same event, a lot of people would feel different things, Just because something good happened, doesn't mean everyone will be happy about it. And vice versa, not everyone feels bad when shitty things happen. For example, if shit happens to people that I don't really like, such as a certain motivator, I would be jumping up and down for joy. But that's just me.


I like it when things are out in the open. I like to know that I can trust you and my friends. I like to be able to be comfortable in my own skin and not feel like the pair of jeans in your closet that you only wear when you have absolutely NOTHING else to wear. I like being needed, but I don't like being used. I especially don't like feeling I'm the dirt beneath some else's shoes. I hate knowing that there are so many people in my life that fits into "that" description, in one way or another. I hate knowing there are so many people NOT in my life who also fit into "that" description. Whatever "that" is, dear reader, is something that I cannot be bothered to explain.


-fer-


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