Nov 29, 2008

Fir broken~fallen~fall for you~I'm yours.....

Assalamu'alaikum....

There is so much I want to say and alot of thoughts I wish I could share, but I can never really fins the words good enough to put in a sentence that would make sense. The first time I talked to you I liked you already. I wanted to be there for you when you were depressed and I didnt ever want to leave your side. At the first place I didnt think you liked me or didnt want anything to do with me but I still talked to you anyway, you were always sad and I didnt like seeing you like that. I tried my best to make you smile. I think after a little bit it worked. I love your smile by the way. It's the most adorable smile I have ever seen in my life. When I see your smile, I immediately light up and have a smile a mile wide. It's crazy right? after a couple weeks of talking to you, you became someone special in my life. I wanted more, but I didnt know how to tell you so I kept it to myself. I dropped hints here and there but I dont think you caught my drift until I started talking about sharing love. I was too afraid to tell you. I love that we had those jokes and making fun of eachother and just talking for hours about random things. The first time you called me, it's was 12.01 am on my birthday, you were the first one who wishes for my birthday and you were at somewhere which is to far away from me . So nice of you and thank you so much dear. I'm not sure why you called at that time but I believe your heart told you to and but it got better after a little while and then it became calls everyday.

One day, I told you I was in love with you, and I couldnt believe it because it was probably the most important decision I could have ever said in my life. You seemed pretty speechless and I was scared I might losing you, but a couple nights later you told me you were in love with me and my heard shot through the ceiling. Weeks rolled by, suddenly we had a little argument after that about "having someone" in your life and I was always getting so jealous about it, but you explained everything to me by dropping me an email and it was probably the best answered I ever heard someone say to me, especially from someone as amazing as you. When you choosed me that was the greatest day of my life by far and I couldnt believe I was finally being someone special in your life too. Nothing was more perfect than us. :) We have so much in common its really adorable and sometimes say things at the same time, we love each other and I am so in love with you infinity and beyond.

I want to tell you are my soul mate. I feel so complete with you and I cant picture you being out of my life. If you had ever left I dont know what would I do. No other person has ever meant so much to me before but you just seem to always make me feel better than I really am. Its like I cant even control my feelings because there is so much love for you coming from me that I can hardly contain it. Its like jumping out of my chest going to you but thats ok with me. I dont ever want anyone else to have my love except you and I want you to keep all my love and never give it back. Im in love with you always and forever. Everytime I think about you I get this smile that is the biggest ever smiled before. You bring out the best in me.

I hope you know and trust that I wont. I couldnt bear the thought of ever hurting you. I would never forgive myself if I did. You are almost the perfect person and no matter how many times you deny it I'll only tell you over and over again. Im so deep in love wit you.I could name a million songs that remind me of you. If I could I would set a playlist of every song that reminds me of you but there wouldnt be enough space and I couldnt remember every song that remind me of you, but I find a new song everyday that makes me think of how amazingly perfect you are and how much I love you.

Allah has blessed me when he sent me someone like you to share my world with. Im glad you are the person I can come to anything and everything. You know everything about me, my past, my present and you already know that my future talks about you. I want to spend forever with you. I want to always be yours and only yours and I'm yours. I want to marry you and live with you and fight with you about what color to pain the wall or what kind of couch and bed to have or what annoying little cat we have to care and what color microwave.

I want to be the one to do all those things with you.I trust you with my life. I'll do anything for you no lie. I'm glad you came in to my life. You made the biggest impact in my life telling me that someone does love me and cares for me. I didnt think anyone would ever fall for me but you came and told me different. You make my life complete. I know I pen alot and you are probably too tired to read it but I just wanted to share my feelings with you. Im missing alot of stuff. I dont even think this is everything I wanted pen. But I dont want to bore you and I dont think there is enough room in the message to fully expain my feelings for you. Just so I love you so much and Im so in love with you and I'll never fall out..”between *laughing for no reason* stupid arguments, long talks and making fun of eachother. I fell in love with you.

~from fir with trust~

comments (1)

Nov 23, 2008

::Cry will bring me back::: ' Plunged in thought' part I::


Assalamu'alaikum....

What prompted me to penned this morning, because all day there is a burning in my heart and I can't stop it. I don't even know what to do with it. It's just lke weighing on my heart like a heavy weight. There isn't much I can do but pray. I have so many good ideas, good plans, new projects and thoughts, but the spirit of Allah is reminding me over and over again. Simply pray. Cry out to me. Get into the place of desperation and seeking my face again.No longer strive and just pray..LoL

I really don't know what I'm doing anymore. Things aren't bad, yet I can't say that thing are great. Somedays I fail, some days I suceed. Some day I feel like I can leap over the mountain. What things I do know is that Allah loves me and he sees the deepest most inner part of my heart. He Knows how bad I need him.

I need to remind myself " I'm not losing this battle, I'm winning in fact I have won. I may not be the best person, the best son, the best lover, the best writer the best on anything but being the best or having it all toagether is not the point. The point is that I love Allah with all my heart and I truly desire to do his will even though I may stumble and fall, Allah is always there to pick me up...Alhamdulillah

I'm in that place where my heart is burning again. I don't have a clue what I am to do. The vision is so large, yet I feel so small. I just want to see revival. At the same time I want to see myself become a better person. A better friend, a better son, a better brtoher, a better husband and a better person. I want to do it right. Sometimes I get so down on my self for not being perfect and Allah is teaching me to give myself grace, to forgive my self and not to compare with others.

Lastly let us never cease to pray and cease to seek Allah. By doing this we will know him and know who we are....

~from fir with realisation~

comments (1)

Nov 22, 2008

::My love life anthem::: ~I'm yours~


I really love this song. My someone like this song too.I love my someone and she loves me too, this song is just like our love anthem.

"So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours"

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Secondhand Serenade-Fall For You....



Secondhand Serenade Lyrics
Fall For You Lyrics

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Nov 18, 2008

How do I live....


Assalamu'alaikum...

"How can I tell I'm in love with you?", what is love? how does my heart choose a partner? why does love end? These questions can't be easily answered. Admittedly, attraction is a factor, but my love goes deeper than that. My love is simple dear, is about caring, friendship, commitment and trust. I probably was more open to the idea of marriage, but I spent the time struggling on my career instead(heck!) and by now I have to focus on my study *sigh*. However I believe the "exception" rather than the rule.Honestly I'm not looking for "love". I'm looking for a lifepartner, the person who wants to be my partner in life, and where we'll be there for each other holding hands through the best of life and the worst even at death...

Let me share something...

I love you because I have always loved writing but you are much more incisive than that....

I love you because you look so innocent but are a little emphatic.....

I love you because you just simply you are...

I love you because you're everything I wanted to be....

love,

Eh! guys need yr help, I've been offered by British American Tabacco Plc. I really dont know how to react on this. If you have the ideas pls lemme know. What should I choose? tonight I am just finishing review their jobs descriptions and it's really something I always wanted to be and the most "salary" dowh! almost lumayan..ahhhhh!!!

~Fir really miss someone right now~

comments (2)

Nov 16, 2008

how could it happened to me...


assalamu'alaikum...

I'm just so tired and alone right now, I really want to flight and going any where....sheshhh!! After a serious, several-years-long relationship failed, I was devastated. I was sure that I would never find a love like that again, but times and feeling change. I gave up looking. I was emotionally exhausted and discouraged and had decided that love wasn't meant to happen. Suddenly a few days ago, I was found the most wonderful girl. We not really connected instantly but we have been talk something unusual, but like I said in previous entries *she might just simply say something and mean the exact opposite or just mean nothing*, and I really trapped on this fantasies...shessh!!!

I noticed this kind of thing happened because I get wrapped up with ' loneliness' and I simply followed my heart with no directions. I hate to feel something like this for example avoiding, hoping and the most horibble thing I don't even have appetite to take meals. Omigosh! ahh!! this is totally insane! DAMN! I broke my rules...shessh!! The reality is I should not have dreamed anyone so perfect like 'this' and opposites don't attract as much as finding similarities does. errr!!!

I dont believe I had (correction,have) a crush on a girl in a few days only. It was pretty much a “crush-at-first-sight” thing,really! I hate this feeling*in love*. Wanted me to say I love you, I miss you, I'm waiting for you, I'm sorry. It just makes me feel anxious.....ah! Crap!!
I need to reach Dublin before middle of feb so that I can go to UK before the winter ends!! Aaaackkk! hopefully dyra is gonna come and visit me ( ko bnyak duit kat makcik) so maybe we can go there together :)...

~fir~

comments (1)

Nov 15, 2008

best...bestnye..


Assalamu'alaikum...

Nyahahhaha...4th entries for 2 days, meroyan habis. heheheh..this time saje nak tulis benda yg ringgan2 sket, besides dh terlalu banyak thoughts on top of thoughts..hahaha mesti boring kan...this few days bestnye, bestnye, bestnye nape erk..baru la ingat nak jalan2 sikit ari ni, bertuah punya KL terus ujan ambek ko, tak kasi can lansung. keta plak takde...

Cakap pasal keta dh due weekend takde keta nih, anta repair siap dah, tapi takde masa nak amek lak jauh sgt, hmmm..then asal member tanya "free tak mlm ni?" asyik kena jawab "tak" takde transports, tak amek keta lagi. wtf, asal takde keta je takde social life ni? asal asal asal? mcm2 mende tak leh buat...hampeh, time-time camni la rasanya nak soh mak carikan someone kawinkan jek hahahah (sayang mak) ...

Smalam before tido sempat lah borak ngan sorang kanak-kanak nie, lame tak chat ngan die, plus takdelah rapat sangat pun in the first place tapi boleh lah. Lepas due tige menet chat, baru perasan ayat die almost sume start ngan "Boyfren I... ", sebagai contoh: "Boyfren I cakap tempat tuh best", "Boyfren I datang pick dengan kete die", "Boyfren I itu...", "Boyfren I ini...". Erk... sedikit meluat lepas dah lame-lame chat tuh, sebab ye lah kan, ayat sume same jek. Plus macam org tak kenal je boyfren die sape, bukan best sgt pun. Nyahaha... tak ke mampus kalau budak tuh bace entry ni. Biar... rase kan, setengah jam habes camtuh jek, org nak tau cite pasal pendapat die, asyik2 masuk pasal boipren die. Adoi! May all my fren not become like that ever, amin!

Oh, btw, fare cayangku, where are you, are you okay? Tinggal mesej kat email tak berjawab, amek ko, aku letak kat blogger.rasakan! mati akal dah, lain tanya lain jawab plak tuh...and btw I'm not in love at all ok..eh!(soalan ditutup!)... fare nape aku tak leh locate ko...pakai firewall ape..siut betul!

Okay, I have a headache right now!

Wassalam....

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Dub-ya "w" simply describe me.....


Assalamu'alaikum....


Whats wrong with me? Well, I have been trying to figure that out for a while…
There are a number of things that are wrong with me. Things that I can name, anyways.
Like…

Why is it that I know what I have to do, and yet I cant get myself to do them?

Why is it that I feel that no one can relate to me? As if I’m barely part of the same species?

Why is it that I keep on making stupid decisions, empty promises, and unwise choises?

Why do I always feel like I am so stupid… when I know for a fact that I am not?

Why do I feel as if Im sometimes watching myself live from someone else’s eyes? Or that I feel like some statue?

Why does time seem to be going so fast, and yet, so excruciatingly slow at the same time?

Why cant my fire stay aflame for long periods of time? Why does it always burn out so quickly?

Why do I always feel so tired? So restless? I’m not depressed… but Im not all happy, either.

Why do I sometimes feel so insignificant to the world?

Why am I always smiling, even when I dont feel like it?

Why do I laugh at funerals?

Why do I hate attention, and yet, desire it?

Why do I feel as if Im living life in a bubble?

Why dont I think I can ever fall in love?

Why cant I trust people? Why do I not want to trust people?

Why can I never learn from my mistakes? And if I do, why dont I ever fix them? Or keep myself from doing the same thing again?

Just… why?
~dubya's in fir~

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Fir life is in women's hand...


assalamu'alaikum...

I have been getting these butterflies lately due to someone I might think is attracted towards me?*shy* I really find it extremely hard to figure out whether it is really something or do I have the wrong idea? the best ways to figure out whether she is attracted towards or not is by the way of her body language. Mostly girls might lie but their body language would never lie. It always tells the true story...

If she is really attracted towards me she would start at in a way as she would happy talk with me and she would be completely into me and would even ignore the presence of people around her. She shows up all of a sudden. She would start showing up with unusual words.

The most she will asks about me, this is probably the most certain way to come down to a conclusion that she is really attracted towards me and this is the major reason why she is asking about me. Isn't? (ah perasan gile siut)

hahahaha, I'm getting so serious about this, I dont know yet, I really don't want to know what's in her mind? What is she thinking about? Ah! she might just simply say something and mean the exact opposite or just mean nothing

My mom always said ,"A new broom always sweeps cleanest." This means that everyone can seem perfect at first. Take time to get to know her before you propose marriage or commit to anything. When it comes to relationships, she may prove to be everything you suppose.

aihhh!! I guess better to slow down and get to know this sweet girl. Look with all of my eyes wide open. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

wei guys this is just a dry story from me ok?(amik mood nak tulis buku baru) don't even think about it and make any assumption on it. By the way I will remember the "3 rezeki" thoughts (you know who you are) thanks dearie it does help...

~fir~

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Nov 14, 2008

End of The thoughts...


frendzz,

I actually hide so much from the world and sometimes there are so many things I want to say in a blog but can’t because I have readers who know me and will say things to me.I have had obsessive thoughts sometimes, but they come and go but take a different forms. When everytime I start to write a wall in my head comes up like slow me down and I can’t write. I feel terrible most of the time. I am sure you have all noticed my absence here lately.I just don’t typically feel up to “putzing” on my blog.

I am so lonely. I don’t know why. I have lots of casual acquaintances but I just don’t feel like I have any friends here or anymore. I sit and obsess, trying to figure out what kind of personality flaws I must have that keep driving people away from me. I just don’t see it.

All I do is study and I don’t even like what I am doing. Truth is, I don’t really want to do anything at all or I guess anything that resembles work.

I just feel like am at a low point and I need to turn it back around because I hate feeling like this.No one understands me!No one wants me!

I just know I am going to end up becoming the antithesis of what I want to be. I am going to get the antithesis of what I desire in life.I don't know what the deal is, I try and I fail. That's the way it goes. I feel like no matter what I do I am letting someone down. All I want to do is be happy with life. I have spent years trying to fix this, I came to the conclusion that I am a pessimist (and im ok with that), but ive been told by others that it isnt ok, and I need to change *just another way of letting someone down* oh well, I know what the end is.

You don’t have to respond to this.I just needed to get this out of my system and down in words because I can’t let it keep floating around in my head anymore.

~fir is fail~

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Oct 25, 2008

Story of my friendz and I......


Assalamu'alaikum....

I struggled to get out of bed every morning, I was unmotivated in life, and I was generally unhappy with my life. I believe most people have trouble figuring out what they don't like about their life, me either (work sucks, I can't form relationship, and I have no direction in my life) but for me figuring out where to go next is the real key and the also living a balanced life is the real key. It's actually so much more to life than work. Mostly people have to sacrifices their life because of work. Making these sacrifices is kind, but when you spend years focusing your energies to benefit others you'll notice that if your efforts go unrewarded, then you are the one losing out.

Sometimes I feel like my life is slipping away as im getting older and feel I am not achiving things.crap!. What I'm trying to do now make a list of things that I want to accomplish and try my best to do so. I really want to get out and travel the world, meet new people from all walks of live and have a convo, ask question etc, but it becomes harder and harder to find things well worth living. The only thing that give me a sense of purpose is my writing. I find thrilling and it keeps the spark of life inside me alive even bad times. Like I said previously my writing decent the best. For instance, I was writing about love story, the story of my life, stories about people and things surround me or anything and everything. Believe me not, writing can be very addicting...ok enough STOP it Fir!

Lately, some of my friends having a problem with their relationships right now. Guys! Look at your conflicts and recognize that most of you are intelligent adults. Try to find the root cause of a conflict, then work forward from there. Resolve the root cause, and don't worry about the rest....Now, just so I don't leave you totally high and dry, here are my best suggestions:

Friend 1(YouKnowWhoYou're) :

Meaningless arguments....

Meaningless, shall we bothering them. You should be learning to incorporate each other into your decisions. You won't always get your way, and neither will he. Compromise is a very important part of relationships. It also isn't a one for one deal. If you are fighting daily, then you have not worked out a positive basis for a relationship. So? Just take a break, I don't mean break up, or anything, I mean, just take a day and do something by yourself, relax, Just talk to him like once a day, (if you don't live together). Sometimes you just need to step back for a minute. Or do you think something else is going on? when you start arguing everyday, it becomes a routine and your not happy anymore when you are around this person, it's hard to even smile because of the negativity. I say either take a break and step back, or talk it out. Or let it go.

Friend 2 and 3(YouKnowWhoYou're) :

Lack of trust...

If you know he loves you (and you love him), why are you not married? I mean this with no disrespect. I just hope you consider that both you and your boyfriend's lack of trust stems directly, and I mean directly, from the lack of marital commitment. Ok?.You know what dearie, what is the base of a relation? It is the trust, and love,do one thing sit quietly for a while and think about 2 things; Firstly, your Bf and you met the way you both used to behave with each other then. Secondly the way you both behave with each other right now, if you see a lot of difference and then ask yourself why are you in this relationship? are you happy? is he happy?? why both don't trust each other? and then calmly sit with your bf and ask him why he do not trust you, when you love him so much?? ask him that,both of you in a relationship for many many years and when a relationship becomes strong you do not need words to trust your partner analyse youurself, him and your relation. And you are the one who is having the answers...ok?

Friend 4(YouKnowWhoYou're) :

long distance relationships....

I know currently you facing truly difficult time with your boyfriend of 8 years. You might feel little sad, relieved or you just denial and the pain will come later, but trust me you'll feel unburden when it's over. Eventually thing you missed did catch up with you, but don't too much overwhelmed with sadness. It's sort of a bittersweet feeling. When those moments happen, let them, don't shake them off. It's healthier to let them run their course.

I remember a relationship like this, Sound like we have made a good decision, but grief is a strange thing expect waves of different and conflicting emotions for some time, it's good to do some reading on the stages of grief. The stages are:

Denial - The initial stage: "It can't be happening."

Anger: "How dare you do this to me? (either referring to deceased or oneself)

Bargaining: "just let me live to see I'm graduate"

Depression: "Ya Allah, please don't take him/her away"

Acceptance: "I know my self will be in a better place"

Guys wheeeuuw! It's finished now. I am moving on. Then get yourself involved in something different, so make a choice and don't turning back...
~fir~

comments (1)

Oct 19, 2008

Fir Life is what happens..while I'm making other plans..."JL"






assalam'ualaikum....


I am please to give myself a chance to feel my real self before I allow my mind to start making plans. It' very, very easy to do. I am just in the habit of doing things backwards. It's learned process from imitating practically everyone else. I felt my world correctly as children and then grew into bad habit of thinking before feeling.

My thoughts are generated on top of thoughts, that appear out of nowhere. I have reaction thoughts to my environment. These reactions lead to thoughts, that lead to more thinking to deal with the original thoughts, and away from me. Emotion result from the process of reacting, contemplating and finally concluding, or maybe there is no conclusion, which can result in emotions of fear or stress.

The world tells me, this is the way. The world doesn’t really know what it’s talking about. Does it? Think about the complicated world in general. Is this really the best I can do? Notice the horribly high cost of living that has taken place in the last 30 years. Everyone seems to be running in place trying to keep up with this high cost of living. Whatever happened to the leisure lifestyle that modern technology was suppose to provide? Now, after all the heroic efforts to keep up with the ever increasing cost of living, the financial market is having a meltdown and the price of gas (unstable) and food is soaring. The world’s plan is broke. so?

In reality, theory fails to deliver the goods. The saying, “live by the sword, die by the sword,” is appropriate here. Sadly, I have found that when I live by the theory, I also die by the thought theory. While I'm plotting my road to happiness, my thoughts can continually steer me the wrong way on a one way street.

I’m excited to pen this, because I live it, and I know how nice it feels. Finally, something makes total sense and I don’t have to believe it, because I can feel it, plain as day. Everything that I have in my life can be appreciated on such a deeper level when I step out of my thinking and get back to me, right now.

For me thinking comes before feeling, what I feel before I think, is so natural and beautiful, that I’ll want to continue this process always. These are feelings that make me thinking mind could never deliver. All the planning in the world wont get me there.


“Life… is… what happens while I'm making other plans.”

So.

Stop making other plans. would I? shesshhh....'fir'

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Oct 16, 2008

updet!!! updet!!! bhgn 4.....


Assalamu'alaikum.......


Omigosh, dah lame, lame, LAME giller tak update blogger...(cuma smlm tu post ayat-ayat cinta) Me busy, busy, busy. At this moment, tgh menghabiskan sisa-sisa di office..tadi masa kerja bleh plak printer buat hal...Turns out one of the printers tuh tgh "toner low" kot... ( uh-huh.... bukan pompuan aje ade toner, printer pun ade), so the remaining one print(LC punyer) selaju nenek tue berjalan (no offense tuh nenek-nenek yang under 80 years of age.... that would include my mom, hahaha.... sayang mak). Anyways, kepale tgh pening sebab due hari tak tido. Bukan tido lambat tau, TAK TIDO. Adoi lahh...... ade orang tuh smalam buat lawak bodo ngan org, dah kene bebel.... tuh lah, buat lawak lagi kat org tak cukup tido, haaa... hambek ko....

Smlm chatted gan zaziot and ninord, biasa la ngumpat2 opis...si zaziot best!(sape si ninord nih!!!!) lebih kurang 12 mlm, tgh tensen pon boleh buat lawak siot lagik...Ahhh!!! I MISS WRITING!!!! "heavy" writing kat blogger lah..tak de idea nak produce good belleslettres lagi ape yang miss? I MISS LOOKING NICE!!! Skang pakai baju main ambek mane yang sampai je.... I MISS SHOPPING!!!!!!!!!!! Waaa.... pasni sape lagi nak meng kaye shopping ctr? MOST OF ALL..... I MISS TIDO!!!!!!!! zzzzzz.......zzzzz......... too much abc's and not enough zzzzzz's .....makes fir one crap man.

I don't think being very busy and tension all the time agrees with me. rase camtuh sebab bile tgh tension, I get cranky, moody, all those stuff yang usually pompuan only get like once a month tapi lelaki yg tak kena pun kenkadand leh ada gak moody camtuh...Heck!.... Paling tak best.... I'll be really, really mean to people. Mule lah... start bossy sket... lupe nak cakap thank you kat org... muke masam macam yoghurt basi jek... ish.... takmoh dah...

I am chatting gan si dyra right now, as I'm writing now, dhyra nih always missing mana ntah(toilet agaknya) that's what u get for ilang selalu sgt eh!....mati akal...

dang forgot one thing...zeta one of the people yg gonna incang2 me..because pasang soundtrack ayat-ayat cinta....12 hours nonstop , nattalie plak nak muntah dah....hahahhaa but sorry guys..I really dont care, as I said earlier my life in it....lagu ayat-ayat cinta by rossa nih..malangnye too short lirik dia and fading dia kurang cantek lak last2 part tuh..but still the best song ever in my life, with a smokin' v-clip, so enjoy. Eh, by the way, can someone tell me what the heck does "ayat-ayat cinta" means? I know what ayat-ayat is, so kirenye ayat-ayat cinta nie mcm nak ayat orang ke?tapi lagu ni takde camtuh pun! Ermm.. eww... (*muke blank*)

~Hahaha.... hmm... things we do for love... or lack of it... ~

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Oct 14, 2008

ayat-ayat cinta....

It's by Rossa, one of my favorites song and movie, sebab suara rossa ade quality berhantu sket Story dia the best in the world, hahaha.... Lyrics and story has a little bit story of my life in it, 'cause one does feel like one made a mistake that one can't redeem in the eyes of other...."bukankah hidup kita akhirnya harus bahagia"....

Lirik Lagu Rossa - Ayat Ayat Cinta

ayat ayat cinta lirik

Desir pasir di padang tandus

Segar sang pemikiran hati

Terkisah ku di antara

Cinta yang rumit

Bila keyakinanku datang
Kasih bukan sekedar cinta
Pengorbanan cinta yang agung Kupertaruhkan
Maafkan bila ku tak sempurna

Cinta ini tak mungkin ku cegah
Ayat-ayat cinta bercerita
Cintaku padamu
Bila bahagia mulai menyentuh

www.rizkyonline.com
Seakan ku bisa hidup lebih lama
Namun harus kutinggalkan cinta
Ketika ku bersujud

Video Klip Rossa - Ayat Ayat Cinta

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Oct 10, 2008

From Fir with love.....


To my dearest...

I hope that you have a very happy and fulfilling 26th birthday, thank you for sharing your heart and soul with me for the past 3 years. I appreciate your desire and sacrifice. Unfortunately for me (and you), we left a great memory and moment. I wish I could forget, but I can't. I'm stuck and it does happened. I freeze-frame a moment in my life and that's it. That's what it is to me. I can't shake it. It's usually just as vivid as it was the first time and whatever it is that you are to me, I won't forget it. No matter what changes. But for me a lot hasn't change yet, it's just different for me.

It's a curse and a blessing sometimes and other times it's just plain depressing. I'm definitely not on the same "track" as your expected. I'm not set on getting married, having kids, or fulfilling that "family life" thing. I'm taking it day by day. I'm trying to find what makes me happy and so be it.

Life is all about learning, and I'm doing that and I hope you are too. Trust me, starting a new year of our life is like reading new novel. We look at the cover and finger the first pages, anticipating what it will be like, as our progress, there are times when we're itching to flip ahead a few chapters to read what's going to happens, but we know we can't do that and maybe that's for the best. As the pages march forward to the denouement, we feel the joys and sorrows of each character as they enter and leave each scene. And then we gets to the very last page... and find there's a sequel! (and a new birthday).
May this year of your life be filled with the most precious gift of happiness. And even when there is sadness, may you always know that so many of people is actually care about you, and they always will...

happy birthday masrin....

your sincerely,
Firdaus

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Oct 9, 2008

New Cbox....

Assalamu'alaikum...

Ahaks! Finally a Cbox(chat room) that I like, hehehe. Like this one, easy, multi-lingual, nak load pun tak susah. Keskes.... me happy.

Thank you again Far for fixing my Cbox for me, you're the best :)!

~stress~

comments (0)

Oct 7, 2008

Arghh!!!! depressed.......

assalamu'alaikum....


Is it possible to for someone to be so bloody difficult that you make everybody's life miserable? I think one can. Full stop. People have their breaking points, and I think some of us are reaching ours. While patience can be a virtue, patience wearing thin can be a time bomb waiting to explode, and I have to say, I personally haven't exploded in a reaaaallllyy long time, and I have no idea if everybody else had managed to vent their anger in some other way.....

Stuff that I hate: Being bullied. Being taken for granted. Unappreciated.. Have somebody betray me. Finding rotten food in my fridge. Bad hair days. Lousy vacations. Forgetting a friend's birthday(certainly I did but hated). Being miserable.. Having someone angry at me. Being angry at someone. Ppl who toy around with my feelings. Ppl who are too self-centered to think about other ppl's feelings. Feeling sometimes I can be too self-centered. Trying to be honest with someone and having it backfire on me. Not being honest and having it backfire on me. Letting a friend be a jackass simply because. Having that jackass ruin my day (or my life). Dating a jackass. Drunk strangers who try to grope other people for "support" (drunk friends, however, are kinda funny to look at, hehe.. not that I've seen that many). Drunk drivers. Expensive stores.

Finding an incredibly cute shoes in an expensive store. Not having a car. Not having license to drive a car. Having to drive a car anyway, even though without license. Burnt pizza. Fire alarm going off because of burnt pizza. Fire alarm screaming in my ears for a full freakin' 15 minutes before miraculously turning off by itself. Really cold days. Really cold showers. Hot coffee gone cold. Ordering coffee and getting hot chocolate instead (wha..?). Having bad taste in women. Not knowing why have bad taste in women when taste in clothes now almost impeccable. Thinking about getting married. Thinking about not getting married. Being depressed because of a jackass. Being depressed because I was jackass……what else……huh!!!!!!!!

~from fir with salt~

comments (4)

Oct 2, 2008

Sadness at Raya Eid....


Assalamu'alaikum....

Happy raya Eid to everyone, I considered around this time of the hari raya we are in rainy season. But I am sho excited this year. As I said previously I used to enjoy raya eid when I was a kit, but these days I just can't be bothered with it and Raya Eid just brought another sadness things into my life. Every year almost the same it creeps into my mind, emotions, my spirit. I have felt bad, isolated, numb and invisible at raya time. I can't lift this cloud. Some years are worse then others. I now have family and friends and it make it very hard to fake the fun. Sometimes I feel so sad I have to go the restroom so no one see my uncontrollable crying fits, even most people thoughts I am much more tough than I am.

I have been on very bad speaking terms which makes my sadness intensify into thoughts of becoming invisible, escaping from this world.It is getting harder for me to fight the urges to dissolve this life. It is a very complex plan that need to be thought out of mind before sitting it in to motion. The how and where and when is very important. At my age I feel this things are not going to change much especially if the people around me thing that everything is my fault and I just need to change. There no use trying to get help because it’s too much to explain and it’s so complicating and I am just too tired of trying any more. But I am still here contemplating.

However, I believe I am not the one in the entire world, say universe that has not known sadness, not one heart that has not been touched by sorrow. We have all sat and looked out that tiny window and asked ‘why’? Why me? Why am I here? Why do I live? What is my reason for living? Could I have done that different? Should I have said something? I need to go on and live my life...*hug my self*

Anyway just read an email from far. I'm okay, dearie, thanks for asking. Far was worried about my mental well-being 'cause I've been acting like a basket case lately. Don't worry laling, I'm frazzled but still (barely) sane. Some friends are keeping me sorta sane (actually they sometimes contribute to the insanity and are detrimental to my mental health, LOL... but it's a welcomed distraction... sort of.... nyahahah)

Eh guys I am trying to write bedtime story (the girl and the cockroach) but now I realized am just not yet good on that. But I'll try to make it happen...just another crap from me..

~from fir with fly~

comments (2)

Oct 1, 2008

::the girl and the cockroach::: by fir


Once upon a time in the small Ferningrad village theres one attracts sweets girl live in the village. One day the cockroach follow the girl going to the garden. Unintentionly she unfold secrets of her job. The cockroach look the girl pick fresh leaf from the garden to adorn one side another and it's certainly pretty and so purified. The cockroach tailed after the girl and suddenly the girl sat down to rest and eat something from her basket and wondering about her fate. The girl thought if she had been satisfied with simple things this would not have happened, but vice versa she knows that her life's journey will be more colourful outside there. She lifted her head up, felt the snow shooting her face and try her magical breath and hold a breath for while. The cockroach saw there was something wrong the way she held the breath. The cockroach....

to be continue....

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Sep 29, 2008

It's only Fir...until someone get hurts...

dear,


I would like to wish Selamat Hari Raya with thousands apologize, this raya it's cruel to watch you being hurt while am just sho busy with my stuffs and preparing for my upcoming journey. Am still I am. Something I still can't decide. And I want to say that it's not always easy - but it's simple that way and I want to stay and play it out, but I still have my doubts and beautiful things can never stay the same way. Actually you never deserved anything like this.

I want you to know the journey that I choose, need me learn how to be alone and independent, my new place(if) might be my sanctuary, where by I can't simple ask for help from anyone, I shouldn't not depend on anyone unless it is a life and death situtation. I hafta to deal with my sadness alone. In fact, I will cry if I have to and not feel less if I do. Am still worry less something that is not sure to happen. I will accept that I am indeed sad but I will not put up a facade of sadness....

I have/had/will hurt you so much in the timelines, again orang memohon kemaafan because I destroyed your dream. I am saying this way ahead of time too. I hope you understand that I need to this, because it's been quite long time and am still not in any values.

Anyway, I would like to say thank you for loving me the best possible way and I’m sorry that you’re hurting too much right now. But that’s life it’s complicated but beautiful. Everyone has to move on. Right now I’m miserable but I’m taking everything one step at a time…I guess I need to face the reality that I am fir.

::Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir dan Batin:::

~from fir with endeavor~

comments (1)

Sep 28, 2008

Look to a Fer for the true magic of Hari Raya...



Assalam'ualaikum....

Looking back over the hari raya of my past, I realize that my Hari Raya have not only evolved, but have taken on various lives of their own.

For me, Raya was it, the ultimate in a my kid's life, the day we all waited once a year for that day to arrive. My parents didn't have a lot back then, but every Raya there were some new baju melayu or baju kurung that for sure, along with family gatherings, gift giving,duit raya, and off course with the Malay tradition of eating all day long, were all a part of our Raya ritual.

When my adult years arrived, Raya seemed to have lost bits and pieces of its original luster. The duit Raya will be outward instead of inwards, no more the balik kampung traditions, the whole raya's thing, for whatever reason, seemed to have taken a nosedive. As of now when became a huge family I guess Raya took on new life, new hope, a home of our own to lovingly decorate and more importantly, precious relative or new family members to lavish raya on and infuse its spirit into. Sharing Raya with my entire family members not only allowed me the joy of giving them some things they truly wanted, it also allowed me to feel the magic I once felt what seemed a million years ago. Photos of happy, excited children in soft and "sesi bermaafan" are always close at hand to elicit those fond memories. However Raya tradition requires to make it all come together just the way you want it but not all tradition continued... :(

I believe there really is "no place like home for the Raya," just like the tradition says. The warmth of family and friends offers us a sense of belonging somewhere special. But for magic, look to a kids to provide it. And definetely for the light of the spirit of Raya can truly be seen in the innocence of a kid's belief, one that has not yet been tarnished by life's ups and downs. And that light, when recognized by an adult longing to see it, is dazzling, scintillating and absolutely spectacular.

Dear All,

During these last days of Ramadan, saya nak ucapkan Selamat Menyambut Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir Batin to semua orang, tak kisah lah kenal or tak kenal, kalau saya ade ter cakap, terbuat salah silap, maaf kan ye. To err is human, to forgive divine. Haa.. especially mende yang terambik, termakan, terminum, halalkan lah. Last days of ramadan nie banyak berkat die, tak advantage of it :) (advice for me, too, tak sangke Ramadan dah nak habis). May all of us have a blessed life, filled with hope, joy and laughter.

~from fer with tugging~

comments (0)

Sep 25, 2008

updet!!! updet!!! bhgn 3.....



Assalamu'alaikum........


I am just so, sick and tired right now, me missing my itty-bitty blog sho mush...wah!!! lama tak updet. Honestly nothing really good to pen. Today I woke up damn 0700..and the sun is already up too. Hullo mr sun maybe to day I'll see you more than just a couple of hours. All I wish to crawl myself back to bed and sleep till tomorrow comes. But then again, I have to go to office to. Yuck! reminds of that piece of song.... "Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow, it's only a day away"... except in my case, replace the word love with hate , and the singer has an expression about as happy as a dead chicken. Anyway, my stomach feels like it's been punched repeatedly, and it was hard to eat anything yesterday. Or maybe that's more due to the fact I was sick rather than heart-sick. me need to pray a lot and need some extra guidance right now....:s

aihh..I'm 26, and it's kinda a downer realizing that the earliest I can think about settling down would be in my late 20s, going on to 30s. There's just so much I have to do, so much that I need to accomplish before I can concentrate on having my own family, my own little girl and little boy. Put that with my own girl-related paranoia, it is not a great subject for me. The question "How's your love life?" always gives me the Fake-Smile Cardiac , where I would feel bile coming up my throat and I would paste a fake smile on my face and say some stupid random thing. Just because I'm not ready, doesn't mean that I don't privately wish that I'm settled in that department, safely engaged or married. Couples' promises mean nothing to me, I've seen a couple's relationship, which lasted a decade, just dissolve in front of my eyes in a period of a few weeks. I've seen (and had) promises broken and tears flow and dreams shattered. Dating, at the least, brings companionship for a few hours, and at the end of the day it's still just you. Even that is better than not having time to date instead. Oh well....

Yeah, those are some reaaaaaallllly depressing thought, I seriously need a new hobby, or at least have time to go to the gym and forget about stuff. That might be good. I'll do that....crap!..Am just thinking to write another books " the girl and the cockcroach" ermmm another crap for me!!hahahahahahahaha....

Mar your wife just like an excellent politician's wife because she obsessed with the guests. It's always "makan lah lagi" or nak air lagi"? or sume benda cukup tak"?. keskeskes politician's wife please....jgn mare!!!

Me wishing that I can just click my heels and be transported to where ever I want too.....daaa!

~from fer with flu~

comments (2)

Sep 17, 2008

FerAche....


Assalam'ualaikum..

Today was pretty much wasted at work for me. I had a headache in the morning, which fortunatey got better in the afternoon. I haven't been sleeping well lately, or eating well either, it's a little hard to be healthy under these circumstances. I hate being sick so many times that I just not fit enough for work.*sigh*

Life isn't supposed to be fair, yes, but it's not suppose to suck like this either. On a not so bright note again... I think I'm coming down with the flu. Hopefully it'll go away by the time for raya eve... My headache is going on overtime right now, so maybe I should stop tapping on my keyboard and go to sleep. But before I do, here's the lyrics to a song that I totally adore, it's so cool. It's by plain white(hey there delilah), one of my favorites sebab suare die ade relax sket, hahaha.... Lyrics has a weeeeeee bit story of my life in it, 'cause what can I say , that is truly, just messed up....



Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl, tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice, it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me 4x
What you do to me

Hey there DelilahI know times are getting hard
But just believe me, girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath awayI'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me 4x

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way

Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want t
oHey there Delilah here's to you
This one's for you

Oh it's what you do to me 4x
What you do to me

~from fer with ache~

comments (0)

FerkeinStein...

Assalam'ulaikum....

Continuous from *I keep forgetting stuff even though I was thinking about it 5 seconds ago. *
I realized that I seem to be spacing out more frequently than usual, and that scares me, I mean...

scenario 1: I was in the living room, decorating my hari raya card when I wanted to get stamps from my desk for the envelope. I paused my DVD player, got up, got into my bedroom, and for the life of me couldn't remember what I wanted to get. I had to stand in my bedroom for about 10 seconds before I realize what I wanted.

scenario 2: I was writing my book that I needed draft at least 2 0r 3 pages. So I rummaged through my backpack for a pen, took out my notepad... then couldn't remember what I wanted to write. This soooo happened! I had to glance around my room to see if I can remember anything. Good thing I saw the book materials, it jogged my memory enough for me to remember what I wanted to write.

scenario 3: This night, I boiled some water because I needed to make this horrible tasting tea that I need to take with some supplementary (ironically enough, it's for physical and MENTAL well-being). I haven't taken tea for quite some time now, and the medication, and it's been weeks since I used my kettle. I plugged the kettle in, went into my bedroom to straighten my bed and put some clothes on, and promptly forgot about the kettle. While that seemed normal, when I heard that whistling sound (y'know, the one that indicates the water is done?), I couldn't figure out what made the sound and when I did find the source, I couldn't remember why I boiled the water in the first place. I had to walk around the room straightening out stuff before it finally dawned on me about the tea...

I mean, I've heard of absent-mindedness, but this is freakin' ridiculous. Seriously, this is scaring the shit out of me, I mean, I've always been a teeny-weeny-itty-bitty absent minded, but I've never had it this bad. And if you're thinking "he's remembering all the stuff that happened to him quite well, is he faking it?", rest assured that I started writing this shit at 10.30pm, and now it's 12.09am. I had to pause and alternate this and work just so I have enough time to remember everything. Besides, I'm a man, I have better stuff to fake.

Honestly, if anybody at all knows why the heck I'm experiencing this, lemme know, I'd love the input. Okay, I need to take a walk to clear my head and calm myself, I'll pen in again....
Wassalam...

~from fer with empty~

comments (1)

Sep 16, 2008

updet!!! updet!!! bhgn 2.....

assalamu'alaikum...

I'm currently pretty regular updating my blog even though nothing to report...eh tadi saje2 lah check my friends friendster saje nak tgk pics baby terbaru dia...tetiba nmpak kat korner yg tulis Top Network Searches tuh. Tgk la ape dorang cari....:

1. nokia N series
2. wan nor azlin
3. selak kain
5. terlondeh baju
6. agak besar
7. isterimu isteriku jua
8. akan ku cuba
10. lemas ku dalam dakapan
11. zila bakarin
12. zaid Ibrahim

Bongok...time-time camni la rasa malu gan rakyat sendiri. Cari la mende lain yg ilmiah sket, kalau nak tak senonoh pun, jgn la buat kat friendster tuh(aku pun bukan baik sgt tp educated ar sket)...AdoooooIIII!!!!!

ok la shoo sleepy...me need to rest and bangun awal or Teff 's gonna be pissed that I'm late. Ciao!...

~from fer with wise~

comments (0)

Assalamu'alaikum.....


Seriously nothing to write...I just want to pen some emotional touched of mine and I was a bit overwhelming on it..I hate when I treated my blog as my personal diary.....sheeshh!!!! thing was..I didn't realized a lot of people try nak contact me actually,especially kengkawan yg study dolu tak kira la kat manapun even tpt belajar yg I was drop out pun, mostly all of you da tahu I preferred to be alone betul tak? I do appreciates for those trying to do so...but except one. One person who surprised me beyond reason sebab tak dengar kabar berite langsung. Takan lah nak tunggu sampai I sendiri dah tak de ker baru u nak contact :( . I do not ask for your pity, or even your compassion, tapi entahlah, when u didn't contact me at all, I was a little hurt. Sebab maybe if the situation is reversed, and you were in my place, I would've tried to contact you and made sure you were okay. Then again, that's just me (and the rest of our friends).

There, I got that out of my system. Pikir-pikir balik, biarlah. Besides, I'm not alone, I always have Allah guiding me through life(walaupun kadang2 lalai), giving me the greatest love of all. I have my loving family, my selfless, my gurlfriend and compassionate friends, and I have the whole of world reading what I wrote about..., I have friends and colleagues who understand, and most of all, What more can a person ask for? *sigh*...

My biggest fear: to chase all the material stuff in my life (a study abroad-as soon as I decide which I can actually be happy doing-, working in the europe, coming back home and securing my place at home so that I can take care of my mom and dad) and one day, wake up, realize I'm 45, and think "Shit, I forgot to get married and have a teeny-weeny-itty-bitty baby. omigosh!!!!

I'm a little sleepy right now after berbuka and stuff....and so, do excuse the grammar mistakes and enjoy reading :) !

Wassalam...

~from fer with whelm~

comments (0)

Surveys with...nothing LoL

I'm currently trying to schedule an appointment with KWSP people, but the damn system put me on hold... for the last 3 minutes. That's long, man... I can crap my pants right now, and the crap would turn to dust... and I'd still be holding the phone, waiting for that special moment in time when someone at the other end would pick up and say "Good morning, KWSP, how may I help you?" ... You can start helping by buying me new pants, that's how, and maybe pencil me in to see a goverment officer while you're at it. By the way, while I'm typing this... I'm still holding the phone...

I'm too grumpy and sleepy to write anything really good right now, but I was at someone blog, and I just thought I'd put this in for fun:

Bold everything that is true!!...

01. My hair is still its natural color
02. I have yet to lose my virginity
03. I get annoyed when I don't get to finish telling a story.
04. I like to wear adidas stuff
05. Sometimes I wish I could do something really, really amazingly well.
06. I drink a lot of water.
07. I've never taken a hit of a drugs.
08. I like writer.
09. I'm such a health freak.
10. I love taking pictures.
11. I have really tiny wrists.
12. I can identify some close friends by smell.
13. I'm far too nice.
14. I hate when people confuse "your" and "you're"
15. I think dorkiness is attractive
16. I've never had a fake screen name
17. I wish I had a pug.
18. I miss middle school.
19. I have pretty good eating habits.
20. I have a hard time making up my mind sometimes.
21. I wish my hair naturally curled. 2
22. I can't live without chapstick.
23. I wish I could sing
24. I like classical music. It's not bad.
25. Striped pants are hot.
26. I think fahr is a really cool name.
27. I usually don't get sarcasm. (yes I do... in fact I contributed to some)
28. I wish I could look in a mirror and constantly be satisfied with myself.
29. I shift between being sleepy and awake when I'm really tired.
30. I hardly ever vaccum. Meaning I personally don't vaccum, other people do..
31. I hate racism and nazi's. ( no...hitler is awesome)
32. I want someone to hold me.
33. I like watermelon flavored things.
34. I'm a snob about grammar. (heck! I failed english)
35. I am a terrible liar (nope, actually really good it at, it's just that I don't do it often.. anymore )
36. Rexona deoderant smells WONDERFUL
37. I wish I knew how to speak in Italian.
38. I tried to kiss a member of the opposite sex when I was in kindergarten.
39. I am learning to be happy wherever I am.
40. I have no idea what my school musical is about.41. I appreciate honesty. honesty is the best policy (probably why I stopped lying in the first place).
42. I need a manicure.
43. I love Dr. Pepper.
44. I twirl my hair.
45. I like kissing (*sigh*)
46. i don't own a cellphone
47. I want to learn to play the harp.
48. I'm not old enough to vote.
49. I live in the past far too much.
50. I need to remember to be a teenager sometimes ( some of these don't apply, hello I'm 25)
51. I want to see most of the world. 52. Sometimes I wonder what's going on in other parts of the world.
53. I hate being lied to.(Having things hidden from you ain't no picnic either)
54. I believe in a thing called love.
55. I go shopping usually once a week.
56. Today is Wednesday.
57. I've read more than a 100 books.(heck, I own not more than 25)
58. I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
59. I like feet.
60. I like getting compliments.
61. I want the world to see me.
62. I think it's funny when girls wear so much makeup that their faces become incandescent.
63. I hate seeing kids that think they're different because they like Slipknot and shop at Hot Topic.
64. I have a fear of wearing too much perfume.
65. I wear pants more than I wear shorts (Nope... I love shorts)
66. I am tactful most of the time.
67. I'm afraid of spiders
68. I get too attached to some people.
69. I'm usually on time.
70. I forgive but I don't forget. (the forgiving part is hard enough)
71. I think way too much for my own good
72. My current relationship is teaching me a lot.
73. I like salads from McDonalds.
74. I read for at least two hours every night before bed.
75. I talk to a lot of people I don't like because I hate being rude.
76. I talk to myself in the shower.
77. pretty girl turn me on.
78. I wish I were asleep.
79. I love Reeses peanut butter cups.
80. I never have enough energy.
81. I have a friend who has an outtie bellybutton.
82.I have driven a car.
83. There is no nailpolish on my nails.
84. I am unafraid to change, but I don't think I realize the boundary between change and utter transformation.
85. I wear brown, thin-rimmed glasses.
86. Goodbyes make me sad.
87. Cold Stone is so much better than Baskin Robbins
88. I love cuddling. (it's just so sweet)
89. I run when I'm bored. (I wish, girl)
90. I wish I were more attractive to others.
91. I worry too much sometimes about what people think.
92. I'm a billion times better than I was in junior high school.
93. Compliments make me happy.
94. I like long car rides with certain people.
95. I HATE when people incorrectly label me. in general, i hate labels
96. I wonder a lot who I'm going to end up marrying.
97. I listen to the things no one else cares about.
98. I can't draw from imaginiation.
99. TyPiNg LIeK diS anNoyes mEeeh.
100. This took too long Grrr...

makan orang...

Wassalam...

comments (0)

Sep 13, 2008

updet....updet..adoi!!!


Assalam'ualaikum...

So we've been fasting for a little over a week now. Having the first day or Ramadhan align with Sept 1st makes it easy for me to remember things :) All in all...Everyone loves Ramadhan, I think the fasting month is just so rewarding. You're just sooo focused on your work and all the important stuff, and you're more calm and collected and you don't damn quite.. as.. much...

I'm sorry I haven't been updating my blog(again 3 days jer), I've been kinda busy(jwpan Std). And when I'm not busy I'm just basically glued to the laptop and concentrate on my writing, (a husband's duty).Yes I do love my own belleslettres (tak kisah ler hampeh ke tak hahaha)...My living room still looks like a bomb zone I think I'm gonna have to concede to getting rid some of my stuff, so if anyone in KL is reading this and they want a chair, a table or this wheely thingy that you put microwave on, lemme know..

Kak Nor and Abang Besar(sblh umah) have been selling food/drink lately due to Ramadhan, so I've been stuffing myself with some really good stuff, like soya bean, and today I had biryani. Yum... biryani. Yum... Soya drink....... life has been good to my tummy lately, but lousy to my waistline. Dang it, I'll never get my figure from high school couples year back, hahahaha. Oh goodness, that sounds so ridiculous! oh well...

I'm prbably gonna end up working in an office for the rest of my life(if pergi study erk), I might as well do something meaningful and something I can be proud of right now. If I can do something that would mean anything to at least one person, big or small, I would be the happiest person ever.

Dang! eh far thanks for the yankees sweater lupa plaks nak ckp dah kat sebulan terima, like it sho mush even though am not yankees's fan. hahahah. So how ramadhan in Seattle, I mean you *just* came out of summer, so the days are still longer than the nights. It's pretty damn annoying right!! hahahaah...are you coming back this raye?.Btw Mar dah intvw kt Petronas(sori Mar tak leh simpan rahsia) seems he fits into the job descriptions.hahaha..dah boring jadi geologist kat states katernye..so thinking to come back...weird!!! ok2 enuf for kroni part.the end!

Ok I got to go...see ya on the flip side..*currently I keep forgetting stuff even though I was thinking about it 5 seconds ago*
~from fer with just~

comments (0)

Sep 9, 2008

FeRfect Stranger.....


assalamu'alaikum.....

I'm so confused right now, I hate when I have to make tough decisions like this... kadang rasa mcm I want to study abroad but sometimes I thought don't even think about it. aihhhh!!!! but for now fortunely every stage tu lepas, and by now I make an arrangement with some people in dublin, especially to help me untuk cari rumah sewa and stuff like that. Sounds serius yeah! but for me still not sure what am suppose to do. Do I makes a right decisions? I dont't know. Actually there's so many things that I want to see or to do while I'm young, and so many things I want to learn, and even though I'm physically and mentally tired all the time plus with 1-20 issues I have to care about. btw I still have a time until end of this year to decide any posibilities. Again basically it sucks (really it does) when you basically do not have a lot of resource to do this.

For instance, I have to say I'm regretting a lot patutnya I'm be able to abroad after Spm1999, but I made horibble decisions. I'll fix this, I always do. Hopefully I'll be able to fix this soon, or else I'm gonna be worried for the rest of the career and I'm already depressed enough as it is. *Sigh*....

I chatted with a few friends I said mostly people tgh keje keras save duit sebab nak kawin, and I don't have that purpose to motivate me working. And klu lah betul dpt further study tak kisah if I hafta to work as a part time cleaner ker I would have gladly taken a that job as long as it meant that I would earn money and indirectly gain some real hard job experience. But It's not really even about the money, actually. It's more than that people...sometimes it took everything I had to keep me from crying about this dream (abroad). And I have to say the fact that some of my friends was laughing and making jokes with this. And guys, actually I cried so much at the first place, even I was laughing with the jokes. I believe by the time I don't have much in me to cry again.

I've been feeling strange lately .... like really strange. Can't really elaborate why. But it's definitely strange. The heart wants what it want when it wants .... and right now what I want, I cannot have. *Sigh* ... nak kawin balik kampung tanam jagung pun tak boleh. LoL. Adoi... hold on a sec.. brb...I just hate being strange!!

~from fer with strange~

comments (2)

Sep 8, 2008

three months to Go.......

Assalam'ualaikum....



Aihhh!!! Baru balik kerja just to rest my hands a bit, my finger has this pen identation that came about from holding my pen for the whole day. So I decided to abuse my fingers another way: by typing in random stuff to update my blog.

Tonight spending in my room by my lonesome, reading a few BOOKs and basically devouring everything in sight. I'm just in my down time, relaxing a bit before all the craziness of life starts.huh!....mls gila nak terawih....errrr!!!

Anwyway, today is kinda hectic at work. Can't wait to go home and get some shut eye. I almost missed work this morning. Thank goodness I got here on time (somewhat) ... or at all. It's a little hard when you wanna have it all: work, social life, blogging, etc.... aihh! tak tau what to write anymore...better stop!!!!

I was watching TV when I realized that I was actually missing someone really badly. Wherever you are, you're always in my thoughts hon :) ....

dang! lupa laks...btw thanks Ita your song really made my day....and I played the song back to back.like it very much..and tanya aku nape sedey2 erk??...ermmmm.....my answer is "takda pape"....ok2 nak nyayi ni..(zeta mesti org yg tension if you read this!!) hhahaha mood raya sket...sorey zeta!!!!

Termenung ku sendiri
Memendam rindu tidak menentu
Kasih suci murni yang kita bina
Hapus hancur oleh kata fitnah

Di pagi hari raya
Hati sayu mengenang dirimu
Mudahnya kau menggantikan diriku
Seolah cintaku tak berharga

Apakah suratan
Aidilfitri satu titik akhir
Sekian lama bercinta
Kau tiada di hari mulia

Keampunan ku pohon
Sekiranya aku yang berdosa
Pulanglah ku merindui mu sayang
Ku menanti dengan hati rela ( jiwa raga ) ade ke bunyi camni...

Pulanglah kepangkuan ku oh...
sayangKu menunggu mu di hari raya...oh...oh..oh...

~fer~

comments (1)

Sep 6, 2008

Fer Pen With......





Asslamua'alaikum....

I haven't updated in a about 3 days jer, in fact. Been really busy lately(designed nin punyer web and yee punyer too) , but things has been weird. Now I'm back to reality, things had gotten a wee bit outta control. The things supposed to be easy turns out has a matter that I can't seem to find a way to get rid of. I've been sitting here in front of my laptop trying to pen something that could help me to find the solutions, but It's Still not. I really dont know how to write anymore, how to responds to the current situations, how to make decisions,...aahhh!! Crap! What I want!!!!

Know what I want? For now I want to run away to a place where I don't have to feel any pain, be it physically, emotionally or mentally. I want to run away to a place where you can breathe everything good and all the bad things are far, far away. I want to be where things are simple and simple to see, where you don't miss anything and everything is what you want it to be.

I want to be at a place where I can love and be loved in return. I want to be somewhere peaceful and quiet no one take anything for granted.. including me. I want to be at a place where saying nothing at all is equal to saying everything. I wanna be where the sun shines bright and the moon is brighter, where a smile is "Hello", a handshake is "I like you" and a kiss is "Be mine". I want to be at a place where I can have everything, only to realize that I actually need nothing.

Actually, all I want right now is to be free of everything.. free of responsibilities, free of pain, free of the expectations that as an adult, I have to act a certain way and I should feel a certain way or else I'm not mature enough or I'm not a good person .... or even worse, not good enough. Especially when I know probablyI'm a good person and a good friend and a good son.

Sadness overcomes you, but what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, right? So I'm just gonna do what I have to do, **** everyone who don't like the methods.... :s

~from fer with regards~

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